Okay, Finally Need Marital Advice
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He stopped praying.
I don't think he stopped altogether. But He doesn't do it in the house anymore.
I asked him and he said "It's better to pray in groups, so I pray with my friends at work." That's fine enough. But on days off?
So I asked again, "Well, I drank the other night when we went to dinner. So I can't pray for forty days." Do what? I'm a little savvier than I used to be and said "Show me this in the Qu'ran." Oh for the record.. "drinking" was having a sip of my Mojito. He says "It's Hadith." I replied with the verse from the Qu'ran about how religion is not supposed to be a burden. And who cannot think the prospect of being removed from God when you most need him (I'm thinking of Alcoholics) because some Hadith says you can't pray...AND that you are removed for more than a month... AND you have to make all of those prayers up after the 40 days is not a burden?
So he says He'll ask for forgiveness. Which is what? Like what we all do every day right?
He gets held up from going to work on Saturday. That night, I asked him "Did you pray?" He stayed quiet, because he knew I already knew the answer to that question. I got his prayer rug out for him, and double checked the Qibla and went to go take a shower.
Sunday was his day off. He didn't pray then either. I convinced him to at least make them up before bed.
This is not good Habit, and I'm scared that I've been a bad influence, no matter how hard I try not to be.
So I don't know what to do. So. Ears are open.
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Well that makes me sound like a total nag....Which I guess explains the voluminous and well-thought out responses so far. yeah
Okay so I'm not sitting down on top of him and bossing him around.
When we first met and married, he was pretty active. Maybe he wasn't up at OMG O'Clock in the morning for Fajr, but it was always part of the "Get ready for work today" routine. Like coffee and the Today Show.
During Ramadan? He was making all of them on time, and doing the taraweeh each night.
His faith is one of those things I've always admired and liked about him. That he doesn't bounce up into your face with a Kufi and Caftan and beard and Scream "I'm a Muslim!". But that he's quiet, and you see kindness and love in what he does everyday..which, to me is largely the point anyways. He prays like I brush my teeth, it's just part of the day, and one of the better parts at that. (And yes I think brushing my teeth is one of the better parts of my day)
So Basically, it's a dramatic change in behavior for him.
So the idea that an image that had become a fixture in my life is suddenly not....calls me up to question why.
I mean if your spouse suddenly stopped brushing their teeth, would you ask if something was wrong?
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Peace Keeley,
is he still as kind and loving as he used to be ? That's the important part.
You kind of equated brushing teeth and praying in your post - i know that's not how you meant it, but in a way it is a good parallel.
I prayed myself for the best of 15 years 5 times a day. I do not anymore. I do not think that i have lost myself - i just evolved. I do not think that I'm a worse human being now than i was when i prayed regularly and my believe in God is intact.
So just be there for him when he needs to talk and for the rest, leave him alone. He'll tell you sooner or later what's going on in his head - and you might be agreeably surprised.Take care,
Elke -
Peace Keeley,
You are going through the exact same thing I went through...except he became more religious.
I would advise leave him be. Everyone goes through their "spiritual ups and downs" and let him find himself. Its not necessary that he has been influenced by you. As Elke said has he changed in charachter...and the way he treats you is the important factor. You said he is full of kindness and love...and thats really wonderful.
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your husband may be depressed, or going through a crisis of faith...
i don't think it's bad to be concerned about him. husbands and wives are supposed to support one another in matters of faith.
hmm. do you know why he feels this way? do you feel comfortable talking to him about faith?
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Salam,
Respectfully.dear sister, sit with him and talk with him about the present situation.
The only way you will know what is going on is if you ask him what is going on.
You can't read minds.Ask him, talk to your husband.
Pray to God to help you and him, to help you both solve this situation.Only God the Most Powerful can help you now.
Pray to God The Most Merciful.
Talk to your husband.May The God All-Mighty has mercy on you both and helps you both.
Rely on The God, Who can do an ything and everything.Peace.
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It's been a depression thing.
I went back to work. Sitting in the house was driving me nuts. And while he would never say anything, he was worried I was doing it because I thought he couldn't take care of me.
The Immigration stuff is long and expensive. His I-130/I-485 is taking forever, and no one ever seems able to give us a straight answer on anything. Add on about $1500 in fees and exams, and you do wonder thwat the point is.
Things are stressful for him, and he's starting to let it get to him.
I ended up just hugging him and telling him it'll be okay. We'll get through it together.
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Salam,
Respectfully.This is all one big test.
I think you will pass, God willing, because you haen't broken down.satan has already duped that guy at the grocery store to miss prayers, to sell alcohol, cigarettes and pork but you are praying on time, fasting, right? So the way i see it, you will pass, God willing and considering the amount of friends you have here on the forum, you got nothing to worry about, sister.
Needless to say, God is protecting you and guiding you, AlhamdulAllah.
Glory be to God The Most Powerful.Peace.
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Salaam Keeley,
So how's it going now? If I asked my husband, "Why did you stop praying?" that would be grounds for my husband to close right up. I find it much better to say something like, "I find comfort in the way you do this and this"... and leave it alone. Hopefully this has worked itself out for you both.
peace
dotty
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stop nagging him.... wait.... and be patient. and see how it goes. concentrate on you OWN self... instead of getting on his back... sorry if i sound a little.... 'truthful'...
He stopped praying.
I don't think he stopped altogether. But He doesn't do it in the house anymore.
I asked him and he said "It's better to pray in groups, so I pray with my friends at work." That's fine enough. But on days off?
So I asked again, "Well, I drank the other night when we went to dinner. So I can't pray for forty days." Do what? I'm a little savvier than I used to be and said "Show me this in the Qu'ran." Oh for the record.. "drinking" was having a sip of my Mojito. He says "It's Hadith." I replied with the verse from the Qu'ran about how religion is not supposed to be a burden. And who cannot think the prospect of being removed from God when you most need him (I'm thinking of Alcoholics) because some Hadith says you can't pray...AND that you are removed for more than a month... AND you have to make all of those prayers up after the 40 days is not a burden?
So he says He'll ask for forgiveness. Which is what? Like what we all do every day right?
He gets held up from going to work on Saturday. That night, I asked him "Did you pray?" He stayed quiet, because he knew I already knew the answer to that question. I got his prayer rug out for him, and double checked the Qibla and went to go take a shower.
Sunday was his day off. He didn't pray then either. I convinced him to at least make them up before bed.
This is not good Habit, and I'm scared that I've been a bad influence, no matter how hard I try not to be.
So I don't know what to do. So. Ears are open.
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uh-oh..looks like the Commission for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice showed up 6 months later...
rotfl
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Salam dc2. You claim "uh-oh..looks like the Commission for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice showed up 6 months later..."
Are you claiming that Keeley is the Commission for the Propogation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in her home?
Allah is mighty wise.
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Salaam dc2, arnab, and dotty. Allah says 657 "You of the faith take not for friends those who take your faith for a mockery or a sport whether among those who received the writing before you or among the kafir. Fear Allah if you are believers"
Allah says 8131 "When they returned to their own people they returned jesting" and adds to this 8334 "On the day of faith the believers will laugh at the kafir" and and promises believers 8336 "Will not the kafir be recompensed"
Inshallah Allah is the best of those who keep his word. Ameen.