I'm glad I found this site, I've been a muslim for 2 years and married for 1year.
My husband just divorced me by text message this morning '(
I live with my parents while waiting to go to move to his country. Was due to leave in two weeks to live there permenantly. I visitied once, but his family didn't accept me because I am a westerner (she doesn't like anyone outside her own tribe, let alone outside the Arab countries). His mother would not even see me the whole month I first visited& stopped his sisters from seeing me. But he said they had changed and they looking forward to welcome me their and he was preparing a flat for me.
I wear hijab (but not niqab as muslims are rare here &it isnt feel safe - also I dont think its fard), I dont have male friends, I dont go out or work. I'm not perfect but tried to be good, but sometimes i made mistakes. When he came here he was great, when he went home again I was never good enough. He held every mistake against me. I kept promising to behave better, I asked permission to go anywhere but if I didn't like his ruling I talked back and he couldn't take that. He wanted me to believe and understand islam in exactly the same way as he did, and to treat men with 'the respect' he deserved. It didn't start out like that at the start I thought he was understanding and loving and gentle. Now he says I am ungrateful and selfish. And not 'a real muslim'
The final straw I went out with my sister and a female friend - the last chance to meet up before I left the country. I had to rearrange because he didn't want me going at night, so I arranged for the afternoon next day but I got back at 6pm when it had got dark. And I'm not meant to be out after dark. Turns out it was the place not just the time that was the problem as being in public was dishonour to him (when he was here he would have taken me to the same place himself). I need some wise advice or guidence, I love my husband and if he takes me back during my iddah I think i should I go - am i wise? Was I wrong &self centred? I don't know what to do now, i just feel so ashamed.
My first husband was physically absusive, I left him and evangelical Christianity (that said I'd sinned for getting divorced). I can't go back to Christianity - I don't believe it I reject the idea of a trinity and Islam seemed to be the answer (Same God, same morality). I'm just so lost. I've almost thought of leaving Islam, because i've felt so hurt, I just can't accept God would allow women to be so controlled (everything he said had a hadith or islamic ruling as justification). But I can't not believe there is truth in Islam.
I have so many questions.
I have genuine doubts about hadith. I believe firmly in God Alone. Before I haven't met others who have more similar concepts of God to me. Either if they aren't strict they don't really believe in God, or what I think is moderate, turns out like this.
Please advise me. Am I wrong in thinking like I am?
I believe in wife obeying husband within limits (as my mum does to my dad), but am I wrong to think my husband was too extreme with this or should I have tried harder?
Could this be because of his mother's influence (he puts her first)? If so why does he blame me?
Also - are there progressive mosques in the UK?
This is just one person, and unfortunately. This is the case with some people. Its the same with most southern americans, who probably wont accept a black spouse into a white family. Doesn't make them want to leave their religion though.