Salam again everyone and ramadhan kareem

(I see this parenting board hasn't moved too much since I was last here nearly a year ago)

Well, at the beginning of 2005, we sent our 2 oldest daughters to spend some time with my husband's family in the Middle East. There, they learned Arabic, ate with relatives and saw a completely different way of life. My oldest daughter told me she had a new perspective on things and she was now grateful for what her parents have provided.

We were so pleased. When we brought her back this summer, she didn't want to come back! She wanted to stay! But we thought it would be better if she come back home to live with us and go to American school, etc.

She seemed so much different Didn't fight with her sisters, was obedient to my husband and me, came home and did her homework... all was going well. My husband and I had had qualms about her being in the Middle East for so long, but when she changed so much, we felt it was worth all the trouble.

Until last month. My daughter let a note slip out of her pocket. The note was one she had sent back and forth to a boy, telling him how hot she thought some other boy was. And it was full of curse words and sexual implications. We confronted her about this (no yelling) and she promised not to do it again. I reminded her that we don't check her bookbags, don't sneak behind her to see what she'd been doing on the internet, we basically give her all our trust.

Well, after that note, I decided to finally hack into her e-mail. I didn't want to resort to that but I felt I had no choice. I found out she's been flirting with every boy in class. What's worse, is that her friends don't flirt nearly as much as she does. And she's the "muslim" one!

She's also back to her old ways of lying. She asked me if she could stay after school next week to study. I called the school and found out they're having a Halloween dance that day. Nice, huh?

I asked my (non-muslim) sister for advice, and she said to just let her be and hope everything falls into place. How can I give my daughter my trust when all she does is abuse it?

I am just seeing this topic for the first time...

I just wanted to commend you and your wife on your decision. My husband is also a traditional Muslim and he too, became a "Stay At Home Father" for about seven years. We didn't approve of day care and I was earning more money (and could get medical benefits)

This wasn't easy for him to deal with, in terms of his family and friends. Everyone thought he had it "easy" when in fact, raising a family and keeping house is a very difficult and thankless task. I am forever grateful that he made this sacrifice for our family's sake.

Thankfully, our children are all in school now, and the oldest is mature enough to keep an eye on the younger ones.

Keep up the good work! I salute you!

Salam all,

Does anyone else get a little "depressed" when Eid comes along? I do. I get grouchy when Eid comes, because this is the time we're supposed to be "happy Muslims" and kissing each other, and visiting relatives and making small talk. I've never been one for that, especially when a lot of my husband's relatives speak little English.
Eid is also the only time of year my husband asks me to go to the mosque. Like I've said in earlier posts, he's a traditional Muslim, but not very strict. He'll fast and pray for the month of Ramadhan and then take it easy the rest of the year. But he believes it's important to go to the mosque for Eid prayer. We've debated this every year, and in recent years, I've just stayed home instead. I just get so uncomfortable in the mosque, with all the hadiths and the Arabic sayings that I don't understand and the bowing and everything else. But, this time, I went, mainly to please my husband.

It wasn't so bad. I just found a quiet corner and sat quietly until the khubta (sp?) was done.

But back to what I was writing about earlier, I get depressed at times I am expected to be happy Islamically. Does this make any sense?

Lynn

Why isn't it crystal clear to the average Muslim, I wonder? To me, it's as plain as day.

The "imam" at our mosque on the last day of Ramadan in his begging appeal to God asks God to spare us from the wrath of Muhammed on the Day of Judgement. While hearing this I said to myself, I hope God shows this dude that Day how wrong he was! For God's sake, he is asking God to make sure we do good things so that Muahmmed is pleased with us (what about pleasing someone called umh....GOD?)

I am sick and tired of this idol worship that happens in our community and the sad part is that these "Quarn-alone" (or true believers) are like only 10% of the total Muslim population). Its pathetic to see this, but then every good thing that God sent was eventually made bad (except by the good, which were, are and will always be so few).

I just wanted to add a few more

When I was introduced to traditional Islam, I learned that Christianity and other religions that worshipped statues were wrong, because of idol worship. Basically, you couldn't equate an inanimate object with a "god" or a "saint" or a "soul" because if you destroyed the object, you'd be destroying whatever you believed to inhabit it. Therefore, it was foolish to believe that statues, crucifixes, etc held "gods" or "souls" OK... I was able to believe that; it made perfect sense.

Then I learned about the Hajj and how Muslims walk around a STATUE representing the DEVIL and throw stones at it. I asked, what was the point of this? The devil himself was not actually inhabiting the statue. Why bother wasting your energy and effort (and an expensive round-trip ticket) to do this??? I was told that "we" believe that the devil is in the stone (what a stupid devil) and by casting stones, we are casting the devil away. That in itself sounded like one of the stupidest things I'd ever heard. By this time, it was getting hard to remain a "traditional" Muslim without rolling my eyes constantly.

Another thing I learned about traditional Muslims, is that they tend to be the most "holier-than-thou" people I've ever encountered, and I am including in-laws and friends that I am close to. For instance, if they see a woman not wearing a hijab, they insult her and jump to outrageous conclusions. Like, "maybe she is looking for a man" or "maybe she wants to look pretty for the public" and nonsense like that. Or some will say "I prayed 5 times today and I read from the Quran" like it's supposed to earn you respect. I feel, if you do that, that's wonderful, but why tell everyone about it? What you do should be between you and God. Just like a woman who chooses not to wear hijab (like me) That is between the individual and God.

Salam... more to come.

Salam all

I'd really appreciate some parenting advice. My husband and I are liberal Muslims. I'm Progressive, he's Sunni (officially) but we're pretty much on the same page. We aren't strict or zealous or too conservative. From the outside, we look like any typical American family.

We have a 12 year old daughter. She's 12, going on 18. She's all American, which isn't entirely a good thing. Although she goes to a good school, and is in the highest ranking class, she's friends with the shadier girls. We've found notes passed to/from her with sexual references, cursing, etc. I know she's been to porn sites when online.

Today, we found out she stole money from a relative's purse.

So far, typical American preteen. Thank God, she has not experimented with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or sex. We drop her off to school in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon. We don't allow her to go to friends' houses nor parties. This summer we had to ban her from using the phone (with her friends) because we found out she was talking to boys when we weren't home.

What do we do? We don't want her to end up like a teenage loser, unwanted, knocked-up and high. I don't want to push religion down her throat, because there's a good chance that will backfire. (Like I said, we don't live strict religious lives.) My husband has always wanted her to wear hijab (I didn't care either way; I don't wear one anymore) but I know now it's out of the question She'd never keep it on, or if she did, she'd take it off when we weren't around.

We've talked with her, lectured her, left her alone... nothing seems to work. We've never hit her or punished her harshly. Frankly, we don't know what kind of punishment to dole out. We've already banned the telephone. We've banned the internet for weeks at a time (She'd get better, then back to her old ways)

We've thought of counseling, but we're not sure if that'd work, because of the Muslim aspect. A Western counselor might frown upon hearing we want her to be a "good Muslim girl" In the West, Muslim girls are seen as oppressed. I don't want to be sitting in a counselor's office, defending myself and explaining Progressive Islam. Also, a Western counselor might say something like "let her be and learn from her own mistakes" I refuse to let her spiral downwards.

I don't think counseling from an Imam would help either. I'd want her to develop a conscience not because of religious pressure, but because of self-imposition.

I'd really appreciate any advice.

Today, my husband and I were flipping through the channels to look for something to watch on TV. We came upon a show with Barbara Streisand in it. He said "I hate Barbara Streisand" and I thought he meant her singing, but when I asked why, he said "Because she is Jewish"

Now, I know that is true, but why do so many Muslims hate Jews in general? I know that the Palestine/Israel conflict is a big contributing factor, but it seems like there's more. My husband says that the Jews have denied the existence of every prophet God sent down. Is this so? I don't know much about religious history so please pardon my ignorance.

Wasn't Jesus a Jew? Would the Muslim mentality of hating Jews apply to Jesus as well?

These are things I've "learned" from other Muslims. A lot of them just
didn't sound right to me, even with my limited Islamic knowledge (I converted over 10 years ago, but never went to Islamic school, for what it's worth)

My husband once told me he was going to pay someone money to do Hajj for his deceased mother. I said, if she is gone, what point is there? Also, aren't we all accountable for our own actions?

Another person told me about curses back in the old country. If bad fortune fell upon a particular person or family, it was blamed on a curse. Usually the curses were cast by local witch doctors. Curses could also be overturned by the affected person(s) with payment. None of this sounded Islamic to me (it was occurring in an Islamic country)

I asked someone "Why do we break the fast with dates?" and "Why do we eat with the right hand?" among various other questions. The answer has always been "Because our beloved prophet did it this way" I tell you, I learned that Christianity was wrong because of idol worship, then what was this?

I've been told to learn prayers in Arabic. Even though I do not speak or understand Arabic. I asked, "Well wouldn't it make more sense if I prayed in English? God understands it as well." And I've been answered "No, it's better to do it in Arabic, because the Quran was sent down in Arabic."

Anyone can add to this from their own personal experience?

Salam, Lynn

Salam to all

I don't know if this has been discussed before, so forgive me if this is a redundant post.

For some background, I am an American woman who converted to Islam. I married an Arab Muslim (we fell in love) and for many years, tried to live nice, strict Sunni lifestyles.

In the past few years though, my skepticism got the better of me, and to put it briefly, I was relieved to stumble upon this site and find others who rejected Hadiths.

Anyway, my husband and I love each other very much. We have lived a lot less strictly in recent years. We watch TV, we listen to pop music, we eat at regular restaurants, etc. He would like to be more religious (as a Sunni) while I am happy the way we are.

Right now, during Ramadan, he is fasting, praying and reading the Quran. I know, though, that when the month is over, he'll be his usual self again, which is fine by me.

I wanted to know if there are sites, or certain webpages, that cater to Arabs who are not very "web-savvy" My husband speaks and reads English, but he would prefer to read Arabic. I've seen some pages on Free-Minds that are in Arabic, but I have no idea what they say.

Are there God-only sites that have Arabic and its English translation? I ask, because I'd like to know what I am letting my husband see. Not just "Here, look at this site" For all I know, it could be Shakespeare in Arabic.

Or, even if there are books in print, which could address this.

My husband is a reasonable man, but I think if I just approached him with a challenge to everything he's ever believed in, with nothing to back it up, well we might end up in an argument!

Salaam all,

Not sure if this goes into the "Trash" folder, but it didn't fit into the other ones, so here goes...

I would like to find a website that sells jade jewelry with Islamic writing on it. I can easily find gold and silver rings and charms that say "Allah" or "Mohamed" in Arabic.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Lynn

Salam all,

I am new to the forum. I'll keep my intro short. I was raised Catholic, but casually (church only on Xmas and Easter) and felt the Bible didn't offer what I wanted. When I learned about Islam, its one God and rejection of pagans, I thought it was wonderful. I was elated. I married a Muslim man, prayed the 5x daily, read the Quran, tried to learn Arabic, wore hijab, etc.

But the more I learned about Hadith, the more I would think "What is this?" When my husband would try to explain Hadith, it just made it worse; not only is Hadith inaccurate, but he didn't even know why he followed it.

Suffice to say, I've grown "tired" of Islamic propaganda and everyone's "holier-than-thou" attitude. However here's where the "double-life" comes in

I'm a pharmacist in a busy location and have been there for several years now. I wear hijab every day, even though I don't believe it is really necesary anymore. Why do I do this? Because I want the general public to have a positive image of a Muslim woman. I've always worn the hijab to work. If I decided to not wear it anymore, my patients would think I've stopped being a Muslim. It is too tedious to explain conventional Islam and "Quran-only" to each and every passerby. So, I continue to wear it.

Now Ramadan is coming and the charade continues. I'll be doing the whole fasting/praying thing. I don't truly truly believe it is all necessary, but what kind of Muslim woman doesn't do these things?

So that's where things stand right now.

Peace all,
Lynn