i want to stop wearing the head-scarf/hijab, need support!
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hi everyone!
i just joined today sun
i was surprised and relieved to find out there are other like-minded people out there when it comes to following the quran alone. whenever i have discussed following the quran 'as is' and disregarding ahadith which is clearly full of old local traditions and even superstition (black dogs are devil, spitting over the left shoulder after seeing a bad dream "so it wouldn't harm you" etc etc) with anyone, i have been told that i've been seduced by satan and gone off the right track, and i shouldn't be even talking about something like that.
so while having my doubts i tried my best to follow the 'mainstream' (sunni) islam. i first converted to islam about 5 years ago, and then about 3 years ago i started to wear the head-scarf. i am not entirely sure WHY i started wearing it, but perhaps because after reading numerous websites that advocated hijab i tried to convince myself that it was 'a pious thing to do', and although i did not find head-scarf as such in my translation of the quran i wondered if MAYBE it is 'lost in translation' of arabic word 'khumurihinna' like sunnis say, AND i guess i also wanted to be taken more seriously in my newly-found faith (i.e. for people to stop regularly offering me pork, alcohol and stuff like that even after explaining them several times over that i do not consume them).
here i have to mention that at that time i was living in estonia, a tiny country in the north-eastern europe, and to quote wikipedia "Estonia has one of the highest level of irreligious individuals in the world; nearly three-quarters of the population stating no specific religious affiliation in 2000.", moreover, we have extremely marginal muslim population, so basically i was the only one in the street-picture wearing the scarf. and even though i was NOT wearing the scarf in the 'traditional way', but more like tied to the back (looking like a cancer-patient lol) because this is the maximum my work-place agreed to accept, i was getting the odd looks daily, strange questions, and one time while i was in the office some teenage guys came in laughing, taking photos of me and running away. so because of all that felt annoyed and uncomfortable, but i consoled myself as per what i have read back then and was told by some sunni muslim friends abroad that it is my 'personal striving/jihad and i might collect some hassanat for it'.
about 1 year ago i got married to a sunni muslim (moderate one, not one of those crazy-ass extremists), and moved to puerto rico. though puerto rico has considerable muslim community, majority of puerto ricans appear to be much more shameless in staring than estonians, and i am sick & tired of not being able to even buy some juice from a near-by store without being a show-case. so how is that modesty if every time i am stared at as if i'm madonna and they're the paparazzi?! i wondered if it would not be more modest if i wore just modest clothes (as in non-tight pants and tunic, for example) and just have my long hair tied or braided, and nobody stared at me like i'm from mars?
what drew me to islam is that when reading the quran everything made sense! but while reading the ahadith nothing ever made much sense at all, according to hadith it seemed as if my every eye-blink should be regulated, from which shoe to wear first to yawning. plus contrary to quran the hadith seemed to subjugate women, make people self-righteous and intolerant towards 'outsiders'.
but take away the hadith and there is nothing to prove the necessity of the hair covering.i am more and more inclining towards following only quran (meaning praying 3 times a day like in quran and not the 'traditional' 5 and without the usual bells 'n' whistles like wearing this or that type of clothing, keeping your fingers this or that way etc, and other small changes like that and instead concentrating on connection and sincerity in the prayer). and since i did not find any compulsion in the quran to cover the hair, i am tempted by the idea of stopping that practice once and for all. i definitely still plan to dress modestly according to the culture i live in, i just don't see why i should be the only clown in the party with the head-scarf if god does not ask that of me.
i have mixed feeling as to what i would feel like going out without it after years of wearing - would i feel kind of 'naked'? did anyone else have this experience?
plus i have no idea how to announce my plan to my husband, he was (and is) very impressed with and 'approving of' my hijab (and disliking my quran-only inclination), and despite our differing views he still is a great guy and i would like to keep a good relation with him. still, wearing the scarf or not is my decision alone, and i feel i am close to quitting that habit. i would just like to hear some feedback and/or suggestions from you ppl on how to best approach this issue, thank youpeace
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Peace be upon you, sister,
with all due Respect.welcome welcome sun to the forum.
I'm glad you're thinking with your own head, Thank God, Hvala Bogu, AlhamdilAllah.Which garmentis are The Best to wear?
726 O Children of Adam, We have sent down for you garments to alleviate your bodies, and feathers; and the garment of righteousness is the best. That is from the signs of God, perhaps they will remember.What to cover on your body?
2431 And tell the believing females to lower their gaze and keep covered their private parts, and that they should not reveal their beauty except what is apparent, and let them put forth their shawls over their cleavage. And let them not reveal their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or fathers of their husbands, or their sons, or the sons of their husbands, or their brothers, or the sons of their brothers, or the sons of their sisters, or their women, or those maintained by their oaths, or the male servants who are without need, or the child who has not yet understood the composition of women. And let them not strike with their feet in a manner that reveals what they are keeping hidden of their beauty. And repent to God, all of you believers, that you may succeed.What about the length of the dress?
3359 O prophet, tell your wives, your daughters, and the women of the believers that they should lengthen upon themselves their outer garments. That is better so that they will not be recognized and harmed. God is Forgiver, Merciful.Whatever you need, it's in the Quran
6114 Shall I seek other than God as a judge when He has sent down to you the Book fully detailed? Those to whom We have given the Book know it is sent down from your Lord with the truth; so do not be of those who have doubt.Was prophet/messenger Mohammad allowed to say other things about Islam, outside The Quran, like those books by Bukhary and Muslim?
6940 This is the utterance of an honorable messenger.
6941 It is not the utterance of a poet; rarely do you believe.
6942 Nor the utterance of a soothsayer; rarely do you take heed.
6943 A revelation from the Lord of the worlds.
6944 And had he attributed anything falsely to Us.
6945 We would have seized him by the right.
6946 Then, We would have severed his life-line.
6947 None of you would be able to prevent it.Who are the winners?
5822 You will not find any people who believe in God and the Last Day leaning towards those who oppose God and His messenger, even if they were their parents, or their children, or their siblings, or their kin. For these, He decrees faith into their hearts, and supports them with a Spirit from Him, and He admits them into estates with rivers flowing beneath them; abiding therein. God is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. These are the party of God. Most assuredly, the party of God are the winners.Keep up the prayers sister and read The Quran.
Brush your teeth because you wouldn't believe how blessed we are to have healthy teeth.
Peace. handshake -
let me share my experience. years ago, i too wore a head scarf. at that time i had really long hair and yes, heads turned when i walked by. i was quite involved with the muslim community back then. of course, hijab is a big thing in the muslim community. a muslim woman wears a hijab. my grandmother would say that if you don't cover your head, satan would urinate on your head and so forth. read the ayat in the koran that everyone refers to. one day, i turned to God after saying salat and asked him for guidance about the hijab. I asked God to show me the way and I wore a 'hijab' as defined my men. perception from the muslim community changed like night and day. my 'iman' suddenly went up. masha-allah!
my classmates and non-muslim friends of course had questions. and i felt so stupid standing there explaining to them about modesty and such. it simply didn't feel islamic for me to make others feel like somehow they are not modest with their hair, ears, neck showing. i didn't want to become this 'holier than thou' person. i didn't feel any more modest either. if anything, it felt so unnatural and i simply could not tolerate having my ears covered. suffering from migraines, it made things worse. also, getting caught in the rain without an umbrella wasn't fun either. whenever there was someone at the door (like mailman for instance), well he had to wait till i put my hijab on. had to put the hijab just to go take out the garbage or sit out in the patio. and imagine moving apartments on a hot summer day carrying the boxes down a flight of stairs and wearing a headscarf! and constantly adjusting the headscarf. not to mention, i couldn't just wash and go especially in winter months when it gets below freezing. when you have thick hair, takes hours to dry.
so, wearing a headscarf didn't exactly make my life any easier. but then again, it is not easy getting to heavan without hardship and anything i do in way of suffering for God, i will be rewarded - right? hmm....well, it made me go back to the koran questioning what God said about how he wishes ease and not hardship. made me think.
wearing hijab, i made heads turn for a different reason. not necessarily good. it caught the attention of another person from the mosque - brother who practically lived in the mosque. he saw me around campus and wanted to get to know me. made some false pretense of needing me to help him with his personal statement/job application. i wasn't so sure about this guy but mutual friend spoke highly of him how he has respect for woman and all that. believe it or not, we were in the school building with people outside the classroom and he grabs me. lucky for him that i didn't kick him in the groin or do anything more. this guy for sure would not have thought of me twice if i didn't wear a hijab.
few months after that, i was driving home once when these guys said obscene things, nearly driving me off the road - i remember feeling scared, my heart started pounding. thank god, nothing happened. and this made me once again, turn to the koran. why would God want me to do something that will potentially endanger my safety?
i drew attention when i didn't have my head covered but never felt afraid. if anything, it was more or less an icebreaker. strangers would come talk to me asking me if they can touch my hair. soon we are talking about hair care and such. on the other hand, wearing a hijab as defined by men (headcover) became a hijab as defined by God (barier) in my interations with people.
I was going through some really hard times - clinically depressed. I went to the mosque to pray during the month of ramadan. One of the sisters from the mosque tells me that God will not accept my prayers because part of my ears were not covered. You have the Koran here where God says seek strength and patience in prayers, and God is not going to help me in my time of difficulties because part of my ear was not covered! I got upset and I asked the sister how do you know that? I told her off that day. I would say that was really the turning point in rejecting hadiths
and i removed my headscarf. i didn't feel naked. i felt that God guided me to the truth. i don't wear headscarf when i pray.
and the one life story that i will never forget is when i did something for an israeli jewish man. he didn't know i was muslim. wasn't wearing a hijab. i wore this pendant one day that said 'allah' and he saw that, i will never forget his reaction how shocked he was and took several steps back asking me in disbelief - you are a muslim? i was equally shocked actually saddened by his reaction too. the hadiths preach hatred towards jews and the Koran does not. I choose to follow the Koran.
if piss off satan by not wearing a hijab, good! if muslims in the community think that i am weak or not a muslim, so be it. as my judge is God and what God thinks of me is what matters the most. my faith in God is not defined by a peace of cloth on my head. in my attire, i dress modestly. i cover my chest. i dress in such a way that you can't make out my figure. i don't strut around wearing tight jeans or tops. i don't wear low cut, sleeveless, and my skirt is below the knee. i blend right in and with the society that i live in. I dress comfortably. And my hair - I chopped it off. My hair doesn't draw as much attention these days except now people feel a need to point out how many grey hair I have.
we make things hard for ourselves. God did not come up with these rules to make our lives miserable - why would He do that? Does it even make sense? God makes it clear that He wishes ease, not hardship.
By the way, God doesn't make a big deal about headcover. People have. You want to listen to God and make your life easy or listen to men and make your life harder - that's your choice.
Yes, God does mention hardship. There is hardship in this life and yes, your faith will be tested. I can bear witness to that. Listen to God and ask Him for guidance. He will not lead you astray.
this is just my life story and experience with hijab.
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Salam princess and all.
Regarding issue of scarf, hijab, hat, cap, cultural textile, t-shorts, jeans .... have nothing to do with faith towards God. The variety of cultural clothes throughout history of mankind just only shows the Greatness of Almighty God and His creativity. Clothes depends on geographical areas on this planet Earth. During winter season, in summer, in tropical countries, people use appropriate clothes.
Ok. In regards to ethics and moral of clothing, there are sure guidelines only depends on our daily function. We don't expect to use pyjamas in office. We don't use sports outfit in war zone. We don't use soldier clothes in cinemas. The bottom line is we respect each and every types of clothing of various human race and culture. We must don't look down on them. All these must create respect and should be regard as full colors and spectrum of rainbow in textile and tourism world.
But...the problem is when we put this aspect into world of faith or religion or whatever spiritual is concern. This is not what Almighty God instruct us to apply. The moral and ethical view should be put into correct place. Well, we never saw the Pope using T-Shirt and jeans as far as we have seen him in TV or magazines. We never saw the Buddhist monks using coat and neck tie in the temples. But, do we expect them to change their style. No. We respect their faith. So, meaning that, if some muslim women using Hijab, do we have the rights to stop them. No. Or the Sikh men, we instruct them to open their turbans. No. It's their believes. Then what's the big deal about all these hijab and scarf issues? God gives us the brain to think what is good and what is wrong. Well, if one of the students using very sexy cloths example using tight t-shirts, tight jeans in lecture hall, what will the fellow students or Professor thinks? This all depends on that students herself? We ourselves can answer that in our daily life.
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Welcome Princess welcome
@ justamuslim, really liked your post bravo
I wore hijab for 7 years, 5 years in UK and 2 years while in Egypt. No problem in UK apart from I was the only muslim in my area but it kept my ears warm and I didnt have to do my roots so often ;D Also other muslim girls I met were a bit OTT if a stray hair crept out the side of the scarf occassionally. )
In Egypt, a muslim country, different story. Although people were in general quite interested and accepting of me because I wore 'the uniform' of a muslimah they still assumed I was muslim 'for my husband' only, that I had no mind for myself. I was western so how could I? Problem apart from the obvious heat one was men seemed to think it ok to grope me. I had 5 unpleasant experiences in the 2 years and after the last one I started to carry a knife and saw all men as animals. It took a long time to get over that, still not over it actually.
I had to stop wearing it when I took a job managing a restaurant but wore it on the way to and from work. Then I stopped altogether. I did feel naked for a few days but I did not feel 'oppressed', i never even thought of myself as oppressed until I stopped wearing it! Now no one knows if I am muslim or not and although I still cover everything else I am seen as another tourist. Odd thing is that although tourists get groped here and hassled by the men, I no longer do. Anyone approach me I give a look and they dont bother. I no longer carry my knife and actually feel safer because not looking like a muslimah I will now have no problem causing a scene if necessary, i felt it wrong before - can you believe that? Muslimah are quiet shy things that dont cause a scene even if the veg man gropes them, thats how I felt in hijab.
My husband would prefer I wear it, and I do if I visit the family home, but he will never force me. I dont care that I am not seen or identified as a Muslim, people dont matter, God matters more than they do to me anyway.
Princess, once you get through the first few days of feeling naked you will be fine, as long as you're not naked of course ;D You have to do what you believe to be right no matter who disagrees with you and dont let anyone make you a hypocrite for their views on what is right.
I have not worn it now for just over a year and its still hot, I still sweat buckets but my brain isnt boiling quite as bad. I did have a few odd comments from people that know me as a muslimah who asked if I had stopped being Muslim nope and when I said no they commented on I should wear hijab, but had nothing to say when I pointed out its not in Quran. ;D
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Problem apart from the obvious heat one was men seemed to think it ok to grope me. I had 5 unpleasant experiences in the 2 years and after the last one I started to carry a knife and saw all men as animals. It took a long time to get over that, still not over it actually
I find it interesting that your experience is different from mine. I noticed that the sexual harassment actually decreases when I'm wearing a headscarf; but I would feel like a hypocrite wearing it at all times, confirming to a "rule" I don't believe exists.
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I find it interesting that your experience is different from mine. I noticed that the sexual harassment actually decreases when I'm wearing a headscarf; but I would feel like a hypocrite wearing it at all times, confirming to a "rule" I don't believe exists.
I dont understand it either and it could be nothing to do with the scarf, all I know is that 5 times while wearing it I have had bad experiences, 2 even during fasting! Could be because I was a year or so younger then and looked more 'beautiful' in hijab and now you can see the wrinkly neck ;D
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Welcome to the forum )
Wearing the head covering or not doesn't stop or advance desperate sicko's from anything.
I haven't taken it off so I guess I couldn't give the greatest advice but maybe try open up ideas to your husband? your discomfort etc? maybe slip in, I don't even understand why I wore it? or maybe change your scarf style so it shows more skin and eventually take it off?
All the best
peace
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Princess from your whole post I was not able to figure out why you want to take off Scarf/Hijaab? Please tell me just one siingle reason or list it if there are different. Thanks.
Now talking about forum, if some one would say Hi, I want to take off my cloths and be in Bikini, ther will be a very WARM welcome from some, So this is not the write place to seek advice from?
I think Quran is the best to seek advice from if you are a Muslim and then if you think allows you, you should and if not according to your understanding than not.
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Princess from your whole post I was not able to figure out why you want to take off Scarf/Hijaab? Please tell me just one siingle reason or list it if there are different. Thanks.
If you read her post she says why.Now talking about forum, if some one would say Hi, I want to take off my cloths and be in Bikini, ther will be a very WARM welcome from some, So this is not the write place to seek advice from?
So are you comparing taking off a hijab with taking off her clothes and being in a bikini now? Please get your mind off women in bikinis!This forum is about Islam and the 'traditions' that have been applied to it, like wearing hijab, so yes this is a good place and she was asking for support, thats why the thread is called 'i want to stop wearing the head scarf/hijab, need support' , you comparing that to wanting to take off her clothes and wear a bikini is hardly support and is downright rediculous.
I think Quran is the best to seek advice from if you are a Muslim and then if you think allows you, you should and if not according to your understanding than not.
We all know that covering the hair is not in Quran, as you are not a woman and as you said would give a warm welcome if she wanted to remove her clothes and wear a bikini but not if she wanted to take off a scarf, you have no idea at all and never will have any idea what the effects and feelings associated with wearing it and removing it are, so you cant really give any advice but support is what she asked and support would be nice, even from a brother.
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Ok. In regards to ethics and moral of clothing, there are sure guidelines only depends on our daily function. We don't expect to use pyjamas in office. We don't use sports outfit in war zone. We don't use soldier clothes in cinemas. The bottom line is we respect each and every types of clothing of various human race and culture. We must don't look down on them. All these must create respect and should be regard as full colors and spectrum of rainbow in textile and tourism world.
Beautiful post!!
I was once been 'warned' by the moderator on posting this beautiful picture of beautiful lady with beautiful heart..
I post it again.. for the sake of 'education' and 'culture' shock..
As I disagree with the moderator's opinion on this issue and I don't see nothing wrong with the picture below.http//images.cdn.fotopedia.com/flickr-2559849453-image.jpg (NSFW)
A beautiful and modest papuan girl...
Wearing papuan's traditional dress and accessories..Salam / Peace
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I'm not sure who warned you before Jafar but is it too much to ask to post such pictures with links and an accurate description as to what the link contains? There are people who are accessing the site from work, or people who feel offended by being forced to see someone's breasts in passing regardless of how "beautiful" they may be. I don't see how one can gauge a beautiful heart/modesty by a picture or why "culture shock" should be force sprung on others. Give people options and describe accurately what is in the link is all.
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wow, i just logged back in and found so many beautiful replies! thank you all SO much for your input, for taking time to think along and express your thoughts, and for making me feel welcome, i really appreciate it )
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Brush your teeth because you wouldn't believe how blessed we are to have healthy teeth.haha, thanks for the advice, alen! i do fully realise the importance of proper dental care, each my brushing session alone takes more than 10 minutes, i guess that's why i'm always late p
@justamuslim - thank you for sharing your touching story! and so unbelievable that you, and ayisha, have experienced groping like that, by muslims, no less! wow
One of the sisters from the mosque tells me that God will not accept my prayers because part of my ears were not covered. You have the Koran here where God says seek strength and patience in prayers, and God is not going to help me in my time of difficulties because part of my ear was not covered!
these kind of sayings are absurd, angering and ignorant!! i have also heard my share of similar stuff.. like "you have to place your hands on the knees, not on your lap, otherwise your prayer will not be accepted".
Welcome, princess. peace
Check out this thread
Taking off the hijab
thank you leyna, for pointing that thread out to me! i can really relate to sirius there.
Princess, once you get through the first few days of feeling naked you will be fine, as long as you're not naked of course ;D You have to do what you believe to be right no matter who disagrees with you and dont let anyone make you a hypocrite for their views on what is right.
very warm and supportive, thanks ayisha!! and thanks for explaining raaajah what i meant )
maybe try open up ideas to your husband? your discomfort etc? maybe slip in, I don't even understand why I wore it? or maybe change your scarf style so it shows more skin and eventually take it off?
yup, i'm in the process of explaining!
I'm not sure who warned you before Jafar but is it too much to ask to post such pictures with links and an accurate description as to what the link contains? There are people who are accessing the site from work, or people who feel offended by being forced to see someone's breasts in passing regardless of how "beautiful" they may be. I don't see how one can gauge a beautiful heart/modesty by a picture or why "culture shock" should be force sprung on others. Give people options and describe accurately what is in the link is all.
couldn't have said it better.
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Beautiful post!!
I was once been 'warned' by the moderator on posting this beautiful picture of beautiful lady with beautiful heart..
I post it again.. for the sake of 'education' and 'culture' shock..
As I disagree with the moderator's opinion on this issue and I don't see nothing wrong with the picture below.http//images.cdn.fotopedia.com/flickr-2559849453-image.jpg (NSFW)
A beautiful and modest papuan girl...
Wearing papuan's traditional dress and accessories..Salam / Peace
I do find it sickening that 2 of the males in this thread, when a discussion on removing the SCARF is taked of, they immediately think of boobs and bikinis!
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hijab is not a muslim tradition. here's a copy of an excerpt from the book,
The Second Jewish Book of WHY by Alfred J. Kolatch
on page 53
Why do strictly Orthodox women keep their heads covered?
In biblical times women covered their heads with scarves or veils as a sign of a chastity and modesty. To expose a woman's hair was considered a humiliation (Numbers 51.
In early talmudic times, it became common practice for married women to keep their heads covered. Rabbi Sheshet said, "A woman's hair is sexually exciting." To be out of door with head uncovered was a serious breach of law and custom, and it constituted sufficeint grounds for a man to divorce his wife without being required to pay her any of the monies normally due upon divorce, as stipulated in the marriage contract.
To emphasize the importance of a woman keeping her head covered, the Talmud relates the story of a pious woman named Kimchit. Kimchit was a the mother of seven sons, each of whom became a High Priest. When asked why she thought she was blessed to have so many distinguished sons, she replied, "Because the beams (posts) of my house never saw my hair."
Today,, only ultra-Othrodox women keep their heads covedred at all times. Some wear a scarf (called a tichl in Yiddish); others wear wig (called a shaytl in Yiddish). -
However, some modern Muslim women feel that such covering is not important at all. It is a common misconception that all Muslim women dress the same. While many do cover their heads with head scarves, many don?t cover, and wear more westernized style clothing. Still clothing should be simple and not be meant to attract men or express vanity, according to the Qur?an.
Wearing head scarves is not simply a Muslim practice. Covering the head in temple in the Jewish tradition is equally important. Hassidic Jewish women shave their heads upon marriage and wear wigs. In the Christian tradition, until recently, it was thought to be very vain to not wear hats or head scarves when attending church. All these traditions stress modesty, and elaborate hair styling, or even showing the hair is thought to be vain, which is a sin.
Just as in the Muslim world, many Christians no longer find it necessary to cover the hair. Many Jewish sects still require the head to be covered by all men, and by women as a sign of respect and modesty. However, some Jewish sects have a more lax dress code.
While wearing head scarves in Muslim tradition may be thought of by many Westerners as oppressive, it is often simply a traditional part of local dress. Further, unless one lives in a restrictive, theocratic country, wearing head scarves is optional. Many Muslim women also find it saves time to don a scarf rather than to style the hair. They argue that women who must spend so much time before a mirror each morning to style their hair are experiencing oppression by fashion dictates. yeah