i want to stop wearing the head-scarf/hijab, need support!
-
Peace princess and all,
Princess, welcome to the forum and always remember our God is Most Gracious and Most Merciful, for those who yearn to be close to Him. These are the few verses from the Holy Book, God?s guidance for believing men and women on the topic of clothing the body. Hard for me to find ?headscarf? within the verses.
Yusuf Ali
(726)
O ye Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover your shame, as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness,- that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah, that they may receive admonition!
(731)
O Children of Adam! wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer eat and drink But waste not by excess, for Allah loveth not the wasters.
(732)
Say Who hath forbidden the beautiful (gifts) of Allah, which He hath produced for His servants, and the things, clean and pure, for sustenance? Say They are, in the life of this world, for those who believe, purely for them on the Day of Judgment. Thus do We explain the signs in detail for those who understand.
(733)
Say the things that my Lord hath indeed forbidden are shameful deeds, whether open or secret; sins and trespasses against truth or reason; assigning of partners to Allah, for which He hath given no authority; and saying things about Allah of which ye have no knowledge.Yusuf Ali
(2430)
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty that will make for greater purity for them And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
(2431)
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.Yusuf Ali
(3359)
O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad) that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.I wonder why, whenever a discussion of clothing come up, not just in this forum, the so called intelligent man with their tiny mind, always forgot to mention (2430), thus they forgot (731-33) and especially (726). Yet whatever they do in their everyday life, they always said, ?In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful?. If any man follows God alone, firstly he must be gracious and merciful too not a fraud.
When comes to clothing our body, God teach us modesty for both man and woman, and that is most convenient for us to wear. If a man gets turn on just by looking at beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, beautiful lips, mouth and teeth and beautiful facial skin, he absolutely want to change his address.. to Middle Earth of South Pole, Antarctica. Guys (esp. with tiny mind), these are all God?s creations and God?s gifts for the women, praise God for all His creations! Loose tongue saying this is ?halal? and this is ?haram? will only get you transfer to the Lodge of Hell.
What is forbidden is mention in (733). And if anyone is still in doubt or weak, ?And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss?.
Peace princess, I am sure modesty is second nature to you, then from the above verses you have nothing to worry about. What is important for every believing man and woman is 726, the raiment of righteousness, - that is the best. Sorry for the lengthy post.
Always trust God, be sincere and faithful to Him alone.
Peace all.
-
rajaah - where in the Quran does God say wearing a 'hijab' as defined by men to mean headcover is a "high form of worship"?
careful brother as you will meet your creator one day and in God's presence you will be held accountable for your actions and deeds. and yes, I will ask you this question in front of God on that day when we all have to gather and you will have to answer.
But how you will recognize him confused? hmmm may be by his avatar. hmm
-
Princess - I was thinking about you yesterday.
If in your search for the truth - you find for yourself that God doesn't tell a woman to cover her hair, ears, neck but your husband is not supportive of you taking off your headscarf AND it is not a hardship for you to wear a headscarf, then my advice to you would be to continue wearing your headscarf. Sometimes, it is not about being right when it comes to relationship. You have to look at your situation, circumstance and do what is best for you AND your family. Remember it is not a sin to wear a headscarf. You are doing it to maintain peace in your family and God is aware. Talk to God and tell him God I don't think you commanded me to wear a headscarf but I am wearing it to maintain peace in my family. Remember Islam stands for peace and God loves peace. Be patient as God loves those who are patient. Pray to God and who knows, in time your husband will see things in a different way.
Now, if you really don't want to wear a headscarf and your husband is not supportive at all, I feel for you sis. I went to visit my family back home last summer (it was miserably sweaty and hot) and my aunt in black burqa was just miserable. I don't understand why the burqa's have to be in black which is not a color to wear in summer months. Anyhow, she was so unhappy but my uncle was not supportive of her removing her burqa. Needless to say, they don't have a good marriage. Resentment in a marriage is not healthy at all. The divorce rate amongst American Muslims is on the rise and one of the reasons is due to religious incompatibility. It is really sad.
what saddens me is even if God does tell a woman to cover her hair, ears, neck, God does NOT make a big deal about it at all. The overwhelming theme in the Koran is about being kind, understanding, supportive, helping, being righteous. why can't we all make a big deal about being understanding and not taking a piece of cloth on a person's head and turning it into something that clearly God has not.
-
where in the Quran does God say wearing a 'hijab' as defined by men to mean headcover is a "high form of worship"?
the prophets were harassed, ridiculed, ostracized, told to be crazy, had death threats all because of their beliefs and for following God. and not a single one of them buckled to societal pressures. it is not easy to stand up to your family,community, long held traditions/beliefs, ways of life.
Princess - take God as your best friend and He will never let you down. Will never betray you. Seek God for support and help and advice.
Remember always that God is most understanding, but don't expect people to be understanding in the community and within your own family - this includes your husband. Headcover is also considered a sign of respect/obedience to your husband. And your husband may not like how his friends/family will talk about him. When you have family/friends over for dinner or gathering, your husband may feel embarrassed having a wife who doesn't wear a headcover unless he is the kind of husband who has the attitude this is my wife, i care about her and her feelings more than what anyone says.
Princess - I was thinking about you yesterday.
If in your search for the truth - you find for yourself that God doesn't tell a woman to cover her hair, ears, neck but your husband is not supportive of you taking off your headscarf AND it is not a hardship for you to wear a headscarf, then my advice to you would be to continue wearing your headscarf. Sometimes, it is not about being right when it comes to relationship. You have to look at your situation, circumstance and do what is best for you AND your family. Remember it is not a sin to wear a headscarf. You are doing it to maintain peace in your family and God is aware. Talk to God and tell him God I don't think you commanded me to wear a headscarf but I am wearing it to maintain peace in my family. Remember Islam stands for peace and God loves peace. Be patient as God loves those who are patient. Pray to God and who knows, in time your husband will see things in a different way.
Now, if you really don't want to wear a headscarf and your husband is not supportive at all, I feel for you sis. I went to visit my family back home last summer (it was miserably sweaty and hot) and my aunt in black burqa was just miserable. I don't understand why the burqa's have to be in black which is not a color to wear in summer months. Anyhow, she was so unhappy but my uncle was not supportive of her removing her burqa. Needless to say, they don't have a good marriage. Resentment in a marriage is not healthy at all. The divorce rate amongst American Muslims is on the rise and one of the reasons is due to religious incompatibility. It is really sad.
what saddens me is even if God does tell a woman to cover her hair, ears, neck, God does NOT make a big deal about it at all. The overwhelming theme in the Koran is about being kind, understanding, supportive, helping, being righteous. why can't we all make a big deal about being understanding and not taking a piece of cloth on a person's head and turning it into something that clearly God has not.
What if her husband tells her to follow hadith, should she also obey him on that? You are advising her to wear something she does not want to wear and sees nothing from Allah saying she should wear, because her husband wants her to? Because she should be more concerned about what people will say? Then you tell about your aunt who IS doing what her husband wants her to and is so unhappy because of this? This advice will lead to resentment between her and her husband as you have stated so how is that best just because what his family might say? Im sorry I dont understand your reply at all. ???
-
hello & peace everyone!!
I DID IT!!!!! bravo yesterday was the first time i went out without the hair cover!! yay
maybe it was too soon or too suddenly, but somehow once a decision comes in my mind, i feel have to follow it to be true to myself.
people who have seen me in the head-scarf before (like the employee-girls i'm friendly with in a shopping place i go to on weekends) were SLIGHTLY surprised (i could tell from their faces), but nothing negative at all; and people who do not know me never stared or anything. i mean what is there to stare at anyway, my hair was in a bun and i was dressed properly, on the background of many puerto rican girls with boobies-pop-out tops lolmy husband was not exactly happy, but said he will do some more research on the topic and will TRY to be more supportive if he finds out for himself that it is not necessary to cover the hair. actually we did some research online together last night, but the results were 'inconclusive' in his opinion because there were so many conflicting sources we saw. and some quran translators even go as far as ADDING the word 'headscarf' in the place where it says to 'draw your khimar over your bosoms', while in arabic there is no 'head' or 'hair' word used at all.
I've been getting some outright rude comments and generally being made to feel extremely bad about this decision and that is without explaining that I don't take the headscarf to be a divine instruction - the rudeness is even when I wear some sort of material on my head. Putting it on wasn't nearly as bad as taking it off.
I'm guessing right now I'm just probably miffed because today has been the worst day so far about it even though I did use some form of cover.
reading this somehow made me feel your pain. i am so sorry you have to go through this, sirius
I don't know how conservative men in Puerto Rico are but I'd also say prepare for some unwanted attention if you don't wear a wedding ring. I'd also say, try to get comfortable with the scarf before you remove it. If you can love it even though you don't feel it as a divine command then I think you can gain back some self-esteem in the meantime while you're not ready to take it off.
majority of men in puerto rico are anything but conservative, it is normal to whistle when a pretty woman passes by, call them 'mamacita' (lil mama) or make other remarks. but head-scarf will not save you from it - tested. i've been repeatedly called 'mamacita, come to papi rico (rich daddy)' and other weird stuff like that while just walking in san juan (the capital) and minding my own business. in fact, i feel my headscarf attracted more of that kind of attention unfortunately, making me stand out more, instead of blending in. sometimes i just chose to stay home, instead of getting whistled at -\ giveup
and i do NOT hate the head-scarf as such.. it's just a piece of fabric after all jedi
Princess - take God as your best friend and He will never let you down. Will never betray you. Seek God for support and help and advice.
Remember always that God is most understanding, but don't expect people to be understanding in the community and within your own family - this includes your husband. Headcover is also considered a sign of respect/obedience to your husband. And your husband may not like how his friends/family will talk about him. When you have family/friends over for dinner or gathering, your husband may feel embarrassed having a wife who doesn't wear a headcover unless he is the kind of husband who has the attitude this is my wife, i care about her and her feelings more than what anyone says.
May God help and guide you, sis.
i think my husband is kind of torn in between the two feelings/attitudes. also in recent discussions i found out he is even more 'sunni' than i thought, so for him to accept that most sunnis cover their hair while it is NOT a command from god will be quite difficult i guess. he feels he has to consult a scholar or smth (that will be kind of counter-productive lol, cuz scholars are the ones who made hair-cover mandatory in the first place brickwall )
oh, while writing this reply i just saw you posted another comment
Princess - I was thinking about you yesterday.
If in your search for the truth - you find for yourself that God doesn't tell a woman to cover her hair, ears, neck but your husband is not supportive of you taking off your headscarf AND it is not a hardship for you to wear a headscarf, then my advice to you would be to continue wearing your headscarf. Sometimes, it is not about being right when it comes to relationship. You have to look at your situation, circumstance and do what is best for you AND your family.
hehe, you're a little late dear! it's already off now. but i DO understand this line of reasoning.
but you are also right that if i did certain things just to 'please somebody' i would end up either hating myself or resenting him, or both. i think it is a little too much to ask somebody (anybody!) to go against themselves. but i will do my best to make the transition for him as easy as i can.big thanks for everyone who posted their advice, point of view and reasoning behind it. i read each post carefully!
i plan to observe the reactions of people in the days to come, and update everyone periodically! i hope that will help others who may be in similar situation, or just to 'compare notes' with women who've 'been there, done that'btw, starting this topic was my very first time to post on any forum (i used to only READ some casually before), and i am totally developing a taste for it now ;D
-
What if her husband tells her to follow hadith, should she also obey him on that? You are advising her to wear something she does not want to wear and sees nothing from Allah saying she should wear, because her husband wants her to? Because she should be more concerned about what people will say? Then you tell about your aunt who IS doing what her husband wants her to and is so unhappy because of this? This advice will lead to resentment between her and her husband as you have stated so how is that best just because what his family might say? Im sorry I dont understand your reply at all. ???
ayisha, you and justamuslim are talking about two sides of the same coin, i think. justamuslim is probably feeling that scarf is such a small issue to spoil the relationship over (which is true), and you question why i should do something baseless just because my husband wants me to (which is also true). so you're both kind of right.
by the way, my husband's family mostly does NOT wear the head-scarf!! only two of his mother's sisters are wearing it, while his own mother is not (and never has), and his father is the most 'progressive' one in the family (and was supportive of my decision btw). and no one else was in the head-scarf when i was visiting them back in pakistan. i guess my hubby is the most conservative of 'em all hmm
-
Peace Princess
Bravo. It was courageous of you do to what you did. Often we make something worse than it is. We create the worst possible scenario in our head. What we think will happen is often different than what will happen (in the real world). We can not predict everything that will happen. So our predictions will not be completely based on reality. Because no one knows the future.
An interesting quote
"The only things in life you regret are the risks you didn't take"
Here are some thought-provking questions you can ask your husband
-
Why to women have to wear hijab and not men? If the hair is what attracts men, doesn't the hair of men also attract women? So shouldn't they also be wearing hijab? Is the hair of men and women different? Has the hair of women pheromones while the hair of men hasn't pheromones?
-
What does science teach us about attraction? Does science teach us that men get attracted to the hair of women? Or does science teach us that men get attracted to the face and body parts of women? If men get attracted/aroused to the face and body parts (and not hair), then what is the point of covering the hair?
-
-
David_K
men do cover their heads, (its a sunnah of prophet) especially wahhabies in Pakistan and in Arab world too
http//www.travel-images.com/pht/syria182.jpg- What does science teach us about attraction? Does science teach us that men get attracted to the hair of a woman?
science tells us that men are attracted to women?s hair too. thats why women mostly prefer longer.
-
http//sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs036.ash2/35169_10150209977195464_232098235463_13230715_6228678_n.jpg
Layla RevisThe Burqa Debate Layla Revis suggests it is ?Patriarchal ideology dressed up as social morality?
July 18, 2010
The Burqa Debate Uncovered
?Patriarchal ideology dressed up as social morality"Layla Revis
APPNA Journal
Association of Physicians of Pakistani Descent of North AmericaFor some from the South Asian tradition, the burqa is simply a colourful outfit ? flashes of verdant greens or bright blues - the silky petals of a fragile flower. Unfortunately, descriptions of colourful fabric can not conceal the need to examine the greater significance of a garment that serves to obfuscate a woman?s face and form, rendering her incapable of effectively communicating, and making it decidedly difficult for her connect with all members of society in the same way a man is permitted to connect.
The Bengali writer, Taslima Nasreen, a physician, a feminist, a human rights activist and a secular humanist notes in her Opinion Piece Let's Think Again About The Burqa The Quran does prescribe purdah. That doesn't mean women should obey it
?My mother used purdah. She wore a burqa with a net cover in front of the face. It reminded me of the meatsafes in my grandmother's house. One had a net door made of cloth, the other of metal. But the objective was the same keeping the meat safe. My mother was put under a burqa by her conservative family. They told her that wearing a burqa would mean obeying Allah. And if you obey Allah, He would be happy with you and not let you burn in hellfire. My mother was afraid of Allah and also of her own father. He would threaten her with grave consequences if she didn't wear the burqa. All dark inside? Don't you feel breathless? Don't you feel angry? Don't you ever feel like throwing it off? My mother kept mum. She couldn't do anything about it. But I did. When I was sixteen, I was presented a burqa by one of my relatives. I threw it away.?
Here, Nasreen was able to make the choice, but to talk about this choice and to write of this choice - that would require something else self-confidence and bravery. A fatwa would be issued on her head and she would not be alone.
For many women who have chosen to reveal their rejection of the burqa, they are met with death threats and intimidation. Most find lives in the West to avoid cutting their careers ? as well as their lives ? short. Among them, Iranian novelist Azar Nafisi (Reading Lolita in Tehran) and Marjane Satrapi (Persepolis), just two thought-provoking intellects all too often missing from the ?But-Women-Want-To-Wear-The-Burqa? debate.
In fact, many Pakistani men and women I?ve spoken with explained that they rarely saw anyone wearing the burqa in 1980?s Pakistan, outside of a few underdeveloped villages and television programs. These days, many cite the spread of Wahhabi Fundamentalism, thanks to Saudi-funded mosques and madrassas, for the resurgence of burqas on the streets of London and the markets of Lahore.
Worth also mentioning in this context are the famous Muslim feminist opponents of the burqa that include another Muslim Bengali writer, Rokeya Sakhawat Hussain, who criticized the burqa in her utopian novel, Sultana?s Dream, and Parvin Darabi, author of Rage Against The Veil.
This isn?t simply an issue of cultural relativism or the need to support a woman?s right to dress as she so chooses. For at one time in the Western world, it was also the cultural ?norm? for a woman to dwell solely in the home. In the United States less than a hundred years ago, it was also a cultural norm that only men were allowed to vote. Another cultural norm?
Wealthy white men owning slaves. Cultural ?norms? can no longer be used to pressure women to conform to subservient roles that place a price on their so-called ?virtue.? It is, as James Curran explains, ?Patriarchal ideology dressed up as social morality.?
Donning a burqa clearly serves to separate a woman from partaking in the same behavioural norms and equities as a man. A full account of the patriarchal history of this garment ? the biological meanings behind it ? also needs to be taken.
Much of this burqa debate reminds me of the early debates surrounding the suffrage movement. Surprisingly, there were plenty of women who did not support their own right to vote either. Other women tried to proclaim that working women ? and voting women ? simply couldn?t be good mothers.
Both men and women perpetuated cultural ?norms? and ideologies that focused on a woman?s purity and virtue as a way to restrict their power on the basis of biology. From the 18th to 20th centuries, women were told they were best suited to the home.
Some men and women even helped encourage the repression of female sexuality just as others might be seen as encouraging the repression of female sexuality with the acceptance of the burqa today. Termed a ?biologically determinist? approach to further maintain, as Curran calls it, a ?patriarchal offensive,? in Media and Power he writes, ?One key explanation for this continuing inequality was that suffragettes had been more successful on the political front than on the cultural one. While women become in 1918 equal citizens, many were still socialized through peer group pressure, schools, family tradition, and the mass media into acceptance of domestic and subordinate roles.?
And the women in Pakistan who revealed that they were not wearing the burqa by choice? where, I ask, is their voice? Might they, like Nasreen, ask, ?Why are women covered??
?Because they are sex objects,? Nasreen answers. ?Because when men see them, they are roused. Why should women have to be penalised for men?s sexual problems? Even women have sexual urges. But men are not covered for that. In no religion formulated by men are women considered to have a separate existence, or as human beings having desires and opinions separate from men?s. The purdah rules humiliate not only women but men too. If women walk about without purdah, it?s as if men will look at them with lustful eyes, or pounce on them, or rape them. Do they lose all their senses when they see any woman without burqa?... Irrespective of which book says it, which person advises, whoever commands, women should not have purdah? These are symbols of women?s oppression. Through them, women are told that they are but the property of men, objects for their use. These coverings are used to keep women passive and submissive. Women are told to wear them so that they cannot exist with their self-respect, honour, confidence, separate identity, own opinion and ideals intact. So that they cannot stand on their own two feet and live with their head held high and their spine strong and erect.?
Sure, some covered women might disagree. Many might praise the values of culture, but culture too - and the insistence upon gender-oriented fashion and behaviour ?is often the very thing that causes a society to remain impotent to change and progress.
Cultural ?norms? also have a very strong tendency of leaving little room for those who are homosexual or struggle against gender-biased, sexually stigmatised ?norms? imposed by a patriarchal order. The reality is that, in strict Islamic nations like Afghanistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and conservative communities from London to Lahore, women are told to wear the burqa and failure to do so can result in harassment, beatings, or death.
Interestingly enough, Edward Cody in The Washington Post quotes Andre Gerin when writing about the controversial burqa ban in France, delving a bit deeper into the physical and medical implications of such cultural norms. ? Gerin said, behind them are what he called ?gurus? who are trying to impose Islamic law? doctors at the Mother and Child Hospital in Lyon told him during a visit Thursday that they are threatened several times a week by angry Muslim men who refuse to allow their pregnant wives or daughters to be treated by male doctors, even for emergency births when nobody else is available. ?The scope of the problem is a lot broader than I thought,? he said at a news conference here summing up his findings? Gerin said representatives of several other European countries, as well as Canada, have expressed interest in his hearings, which included testimony from women?s advocacy figures, Muslim leaders and sociologists? History or biology teachers frequently are challenged by fundamentalist adolescents whose religious beliefs are contradicted by what they hear in school, he said, and in some communities half the girls in junior high physical education classes refuse to participate on religious grounds.?
So, the fact of the matter is that, for the small percentage of women who find spiritual meaning or safety behind the burqa, the issue can either go as deep - or as shallow - as the kohl-rimmed eyes peering from behind it. Thus, the more we support cultural constructs that ?biologically determine? that a woman?s sexuality must be repressed, the more we find ourselves as willing accomplices to patriarchal practices disguised as cultural or religious ?norms? - further perpetuating underdevelopment, gender inequality, and victimization? by way of ?virtue.?
-
That woman really shows she doesn't know the Quran or that she does'nt care if she lies about the Qur'an.
so what? Doesn?t Bukhari et al show you the same ? yes
-
group
Peace Be upon you sister! all i can do is give u my personal experience-the short version. i am from Latvia-yeah, next door neighbors!!!! i live in the usa now, and am 47 years old mom of 2 teens. I LOVE the hijab and abaya-you can't possibly have a "bad hair day"! also, wearing the long dress and the hijabs make me feel much prettier and more feminine-i am large, and typical american large ladies' clothing is, well, ugly...polyester....women wearing clothes that show their fat stomachs..u know the ones, i am sure...so, also, it gives me alot of opportunity for du'a-i get on the bus, all dressed, and get to tell at least 2-3 people about "my Islam" every time i ride the bus! what a great opportunity from Allah! I pray 5 times a day because i like to-it is my own private, quiet time with God, and then, too, I cover completely. So, there u are dear sister, take this for what it is-I love, love, love my abaya's and hijabs! and believe me, coming to Islam from the conservative catholic church of Latvia, many, many people completely abandoned me, email-yelled at me, wrote horrible things, etc. the most painful ones were that my poor, dear children are being led down the path of terrorism, control, and a whole bunch of other garbage that really hurt alot, and yet, i would not go out without my full dress for a ton of money-you know why? i can make a statement about what i believe, and what is important to me without saying a single word! I will not tell u to abandon hijab, nor will i tell u to keep wearing it-i will simply tell u to perhaps give it a chance-go to Al Hannah.com, or Middle Eastern Mall, and perhaps buy yourself some Al Amira style hijabs with sparkles on them! I love those! My friends call them my "disco-hijabs"! May God Bless and Guide u in whatever decision u make!
