I want to marry
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I want to marry a Muslim who is not an Arab Is that so bad? Whenever I tell people that, they tell me that I should never pray for something like that to God and that all I should ask for is a good man and let God choose for me. But then a friend of mine, who is very religious, told me that there should be no problem in asking God for something specific, because if you don't ask God, then who can you ask? The other team however, say that God knows best and so you should let him pick the right person for you. And if you are too specific in your description, then he may gave you what you want exactly which in turn may turn out to be not what you want or need after all. Here's an example, a friend of mine wanted to marry a pilot (don't ask me why) and presisted in praying for this for at least eight years (I swear) and then in the end God gave her a pilot who ended up being the nastiest husband a woman can have. So that is the point, be careful what you ask for, and just pray that God gives you a good man- no specifications.
But I really really don't want to marry an Arab. I am 31 years old and was married to an Arab for five years and I really am off them. I really have nothing against Arab men, but let's just say it's like eating at a bad restaraunt and you get food poisoning and you never ever want to go near that restaraunt again. So what do you guys think? Is is haram to be specific in your prayers? -
Shalom,
Ofcourse I dont believe wanting anything specific or ambiguous has anything to do with halal/haram. As long as you hold on to the rope of Allah, you need not worry.
However, what makes me wonder is... the last time I checked, Allah was not running any arab dating agency, why are you so much worried that the next person you marry may be an arab ? Unless ofcourse if you reside in any arab state.
PEACE
----------------------- Student of Allah -
I understand what you mean. Arabs are pretty extreme sunnis (wahabis) who depending on how they were raised have mixed in quite a bit of Arab Nationalism into their views of life and thus can be quite harsh as a result. Though the new generation seems to be off that nowaday so I don't see much wrong with them but I understand. Well there are many others such as Persians, Kurds, Pakistanis (though also Sunnis), Turks, Albanians, etc... Never too hard to find one really. A Persian would likely work well as most of them don't push their views onto you (i'm a Persian as well so I know XDD)
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Shalom,
Ofcourse I dont believe wanting anything specific or ambiguous has anything to do with halal/haram. As long as you hold on to the rope of Allah, you need not worry.
However, what makes me wonder is... the last time I checked, Allah was not running any arab dating agency, why are you so much worried that the next person you marry may be an arab ? Unless ofcourse if you reside in any arab state.
PEACE
----------------------- Student of AllahWell yes I'm Egyptian, so yeah the chance of being with Arab is as high as heaven. It's not what I want though.
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Well yes I'm Egyptian, so yeah the chance of being with Arab is as high as heaven. It's not what I want though.
Hmm this will be a bit tougher indeed... well Nubians and Berbers do exist in Egypt as well, so why not seek them?
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Peace peace
Yes indeed. Becareful what you wish for!
There is a prayer in the Quran which you might like...
And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and children ( let them be) a source of joy for us, and make us in the forefront of the righteous" (2574)Moreover, We were created from one person (41), and so we are all one family. We should not make fun of each other (4911).
It was probably the person who you were married to who was the problem, not the entire culture, even if it seems that truthful if the entire culture can be stereotyped.I Think you should pray sister, and look for a liberal Person who will understand your views. If there is attraction, Make sure you are on common terms on what you want, and most importantly, on your religious views.
As wisdom from the Previous Scriptures, a house divided against itself will not stand.(Mark 325) and in the Quran, God Commands us to hold onto His "Rope" and not divide against ourselves(3103).
Moreover, it would seem logical to search on the psychology of Marriage, and keeping the family in line etc.
If you notice simple arguments in the begining, that should be a warning sign for later on.
All and all, just pray, for what you want, for a person who will meet your likings/compatibility/commitment etc.Another factor you have to consider about is your priorities, I mean Striving in the sake of God is one of the best of them
Raising a Family to be God's Servants seems very devoutful! -
Salam,
I too am praying, now and then, for a wife. Im in the process of getting divorced after 20 years with the same woman. She has reverted from faith in God and wants the single-free-Godless life she thinks she missed out on by being happily (yes happily) married.
I pray simply for someone who is loyal to God, unselfish and kind, who will be honorable and appreciative to Him. A believer. I also pray for God to let me accept His will in the matter. Only what He wills takes place and IF there is someone He wants to pair with me, then there is nothing on earth that can stop it from happening. I just hope He gives me patience in the mean time.
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Obviously you are asking for a good husband, not for a non arab or arab husband. What good will do to you to get a non ?rab husband and then find out he is hell. What would you think if a german woman was unhappy with a german and then wants a non german at any cost?
You might get what you ask for and find out that diabolic men can come from anywhere. As we say (or close) in Spanish another one will come along that will make the past one good.
Best of all, why don't you leave it in God's hands, ask him to give whatever He wishes for you, whatever it is. You will like it or not, but you will be sure that it is His will, and His will is the best always, even if you do not like it or think you don't. Otherwise God might teach you a leasson, giving you exactly what you asked for and make you sorry for it. Learn it the easy way so you do not get to the difficult one. God knows you, God knows your aprehensions, your tiredness of the previous experience. God knows you much better that you may know yourself and loves you more than you can ever love yourself, because He made you as you are, He made your destiny, He is your owner and master. So acknowledge that and ask Him to give you whatever He wants and not whatever you want.
Salaam
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Peace peace
Yes indeed. Becareful what you wish for!
There is a prayer in the Quran which you might like...
And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and children ( let them be) a source of joy for us, and make us in the forefront of the righteous" (2574)Moreover, We were created from one person (41), and so we are all one family. We should not make fun of each other (4911).
It was probably the person who you were married to who was the problem, not the entire culture, even if it seems that truthful if the entire culture can be stereotyped.I Think you should pray sister, and look for a liberal Person who will understand your views. If there is attraction, Make sure you are on common terms on what you want, and most importantly, on your religious views.
As wisdom from the Previous Scriptures, a house divided against itself will not stand.(Mark 325) and in the Quran, God Commands us to hold onto His "Rope" and not divide against ourselves(3103).
Moreover, it would seem logical to search on the psychology of Marriage, and keeping the family in line etc.
If you notice simple arguments in the begining, that should be a warning sign for later on.
All and all, just pray, for what you want, for a person who will meet your likings/compatibility/commitment etc.Another factor you have to consider about is your priorities, I mean Striving in the sake of God is one of the best of them
Raising a Family to be God's Servants seems very devoutful!The same mentality my dear ) Arabs, Nubians. Anyone who lives in the Arab Republic of Egypt has the exact same mentality. If anything I reckon Nubians are even more strict.
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Obviously you are asking for a good husband, not for a non arab or arab husband. What good will do to you to get a non ?rab husband and then find out he is hell. What would you think if a german woman was unhappy with a german and then wants a non german at any cost?
You might get what you ask for and find out that diabolic men can come from anywhere. As we say (or close) in Spanish another one will come along that will make the past one good.
Best of all, why don't you leave it in God's hands, ask him to give whatever He wishes for you, whatever it is. You will like it or not, but you will be sure that it is His will, and His will is the best always, even if you do not like it or think you don't. Otherwise God might teach you a leasson, giving you exactly what you asked for and make you sorry for it. Learn it the easy way so you do not get to the difficult one. God knows you, God knows your aprehensions, your tiredness of the previous experience. God knows you much better that you may know yourself and loves you more than you can ever love yourself, because He made you as you are, He made your destiny, He is your owner and master. So acknowledge that and ask Him to give you whatever He wants and not whatever you want.
Salaam
Yes I understand and agree 100% with you. We should all be careful what we ask for. But let me let you in on a little secret my friend. I am Egyptian and with the exception of the five years I married and lived elsewhere, I've lived here all my life. And let me tell you this, 99% of Egyptian women are complaining from Egyptian men. Don't get me wrong, Egyptian guys are manly, good husbands and good fathers and will lay down their lives for their families. But I've always likened an Egyptian marriage to a business partnership. It starts with the financial exchange between the two families prior to the marriage and the famous Egyptian expression "you can only judge a man by his pocket," meaning if he can pay then he is good, if he can't then goodbye. Then after the marriage the cycle continues. As long as the man is taking care of the house, the kids, the wife, then all is good. But is this enough? Where is the love and emotion? The cuddling, hugging and kissing? The beautiful words and what's that word God used in the Koran, "muwada" (love) between the couple? It seems like marriages here are dry and revolve more about the financial situation of the couple rather than the intimacy between them.
I've seen so many situations in Egypt, where we would be standing in a place filled with Western tourists, say in an airport or one of Egypt's resorts, and i would see the Egyptian women watch with sadness as they see the foreign men hugging and cuddling their partners and then would feel jealous and say "look how nice they are to their wives, why can't our men be like that." I've seen this so many times and I know that most Egyptian women are resigned to it and understand that it is all part of the equation man with money = woman shutting up and being happy. And don't you dare ask for more.
And this my friends is not what I want for myself. Now I won't go running with a non-Muslim, I am not crazy. I want a Muslim who is not Egyptian. But I also want to remain in Egypt, which makes the situation even more complicated, because Egypt is a third world country and not everyone would be cool with moving here. So maybe I should just get ready for a long lonely life of singleness. -
Yes I understand and agree 100% with you. We should all be careful what we ask for. But let me let you in on a little secret my friend. I am Egyptian and with the exception of the five years I married and lived elsewhere, I've lived here all my life. And let me tell you this, 99% of Egyptian women are complaining from Egyptian men. Don't get me wrong, Egyptian guys are manly, good husbands and good fathers and will lay down their lives for their families. But I've always likened an Egyptian marriage to a business partnership. It starts with the financial exchange between the two families prior to the marriage and the famous Egyptian expression "you can only judge a man by his pocket," meaning if he can pay then he is good, if he can't then goodbye. Then after the marriage the cycle continues. As long as the man is taking care of the house, the kids, the wife, then all is good. But is this enough? Where is the love and emotion? The cuddling, hugging and kissing? The beautiful words and what's that word God used in the Koran, "muwada" (love) between the couple? It seems like marriages here are dry and revolve more about the financial situation of the couple rather than the intimacy between them.
I've seen so many situations in Egypt, where we would be standing in a place filled with Western tourists, say in an airport or one of Egypt's resorts, and i would see the Egyptian women watch with sadness as they see the foreign men hugging and cuddling their partners and then would feel jealous and say "look how nice they are to their wives, why can't our men be like that." I've seen this so many times and I know that most Egyptian women are resigned to it and understand that it is all part of the equation man with money = woman shutting up and being happy. And don't you dare ask for more.
And this my friends is not what I want for myself. Now I won't go running with a non-Muslim, I am not crazy. I want a Muslim who is not Egyptian. But I also want to remain in Egypt, which makes the situation even more complicated, because Egypt is a third world country and not everyone would be cool with moving here. So maybe I should just get ready for a long lonely life of singleness.Shalom,
I cant help but ask, are these mostly Arranged Marriages ?
PEACE
------------------ Student of Allah -
Shalom,
I cant help but ask, are these mostly Arranged Marriages ?
PEACE
------------------ Student of AllahAll the ones I know aren't arranged marriages, can you believe????? I remember a girl, she met this guy and one week later he proposed and she accepted. She told me that she loved him! Love in one week? Sure! I think her adoration was directed more towards the fact that he owned a factory, a big house and a BMW!
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On another note, in Egypt we don't have "arranged marriages," at least not in the traditional sense. What we have is something called "Salon marriages," meaning that a couple can be set up by family and friends, meet with a chaperone for the first time and if they like each other they can proceed to date, with or without a chaperone depending on how liberal the family is. If they fall in love, they marry, if they don't, then it ends there. But there are no "arranged marriages," not the kind that you hear of in other countries. Also, not everyone here marries through the salon marriages. I would say its a 50/50. Half of the couples meet at uni or work and decide to marry. And the other half struggle to meet the right the person so seek the help of loved ones and go in the way of Salon marriages. In my opinion, a salon marriage is nothing more than a chapreoned blind date.
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On another note, in Egypt we don't have "arranged marriages," at least not in the traditional sense. What we have is something called "Salon marriages," meaning that a couple can be set up by family and friends, meet with a chaperone for the first time and if they like each other they can proceed to date, with or without a chaperone depending on how liberal the family is. If they fall in love, they marry, if they don't, then it ends there. But there are no "arranged marriages," not the kind that you hear of in other countries. Also, not everyone here marries through the salon marriages. I would say its a 50/50. Half of the couples meet at uni or work and decide to marry. And the other half struggle to meet the right the person so seek the help of loved ones and go in the way of Salon marriages. In my opinion, a salon marriage is nothing more than a chapreoned blind date.
Shalom,
In Salon marriage, do I get to marry lets say Adolph Hitler ? or the family will not allow. If that is the case, then its just a version of arranged marriage.
About the girl that married within a week, well God knows best what was in her heart, let us not be suspicious of her intentions )
O hope you find a good person who cuddles you and kisses you alot )
PEACE
---------------- Student of Allah -
Shalom,
In Salon marriage, do I get to marry lets say Adolph Hitler ? or the family will not allow. If that is the case, then its just a version of arranged marriage.
About the girl that married within a week, well God knows best what was in her heart, let us not be suspicious of her intentions
O hope you find a good person who cuddles you and kisses you alot
Thanks. But I daresay that even in a non-Salon marriage a family wouldn't really want Hitler in the family. There are red lines everywhere.
PEACE
---------------- Student of Allah -
Salam,
I heard there is a rather large Quranist following in Egypt. There is a guy who now lives in Virginia who was exiled but has a large following there, like 10,000 he said, so you should look into that. I can't remember his name now and dont have access to my computer but you can wiki Quranist and find him there.
I dont think there are 10k Quranist in my entire country of the USA. I know of only one other Quranist where I live and everyone else is either Christian, mostly Catholic or agnostics and atheists.
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I believe the one you are talking about is Ahmad Subhi Mansour.
Their website is http//www.ahl-alquran.com
Regards.
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I believe the one you are talking about is Ahmad Subhi Mansour.
Their website is http//www.ahl-alquran.com
Regards.Peace Everyone peace
To Confused I might just have an idea of what you're talking about about the Arab culture, because i come from the same country.
About Dr. Ahmad Subhi Mansour, The cool thing is that he went to AL-AZHAR UNIVERSITY! I guess After his openening his Quran-alone doctrine they kicked him out! For anyone asking for a "scholar", mention him!
He too was influened by Rashad Khalifa, but he is not really a follower of the Submitters International group.He has a youtube channel, and videos
youtube channel http//www.youtube.com/user/ahlalquran1. - 1/9
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK2bnZl2V0c
Ahl_Al-Quran_(Quranists) 1/3 - A true Scholar of Islam
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuUBHaKaJeg -
Confused. I just want to say my husband is Egyptian and he is a snuggle butt...lol He loves hugging and kissing. He is extremely affectionate. So not all of them are the same. He told me his father was like this to his mother. Even on the morning he died they were joking around in the kitchen, he went to take a nap and never woke up, very sad.
But not all men are the same. I mean we don't have make out sessions in public, but he will hug me and kiss my hand or forehead when we part, he does not care who sees, I am his wife. He is very silly and playful in our house, we laugh alot. I just don't see what you have described. He has a friend looking for marriage and he is the same way as far as laid back, but then again we live in the US so maybe that is it. But they both are from Abdeen, Cairo since birth till they reached 30. (My husband just turned 36)
Good luck sweety! Allah is kind to us, He hears you.