I have sinned big time :(
-
Peace to all!
Well i dont how to tell this because i have sinned and its not a small sin(
Im very sad and suffer from depersonalization and i get headaches constantly(
But here goes, Gods knows best, but i have come here to just share my sin(
So i was a regular sunni, praying 4-5 times a day, going to masjids, and keeping myself clean etc. Then i was guided and found the real islam, i felt like i was truly guided and i think i was because it felt like that. I felt salvation and stuff, and i felt that nothing could go wrong you know.
But then something happened, i did something with my own hands, free willing, my fault.
I met a girl whom i occasionally met, i knew everything about zina and stuff and that you should be clean before marriage and not do anything that comes close to lewdness, whether it be with boys or girls.But one night, something happened with this girl, it was 80% zina? we didnt do it so there would be a possibility to a baby you know, but other stuff happened, rubbing, and doing other things. i actually dont know whether we did it or not("person going into the cave", but i dont think so and i asked her, she said no, anyways..
This was the first time. Like i said, i felt really bad and made an oath i would not do it again. BUT, i met with her again, and did it again(everything without sex), and again( Probably like 4-5 times? with repeated oaths( omg(
But i admit, im the person to blame, im not kidding. during the time God guided me and made me approach real islam without hadith, that was one of the best moments in my life, im not kidding. i felt so close spiritually to God, and i felt like i was on another stage.
Anways, im repenting and stuf but i feel nothing subhanAllah( I know that ALmighty god is al-Rahim and most compassionate most merciful. But i feel like i have done very bad things, especially when i knew zina and lewdness was haram and all, and after God guided me, and after i kept reapeating i wont do it again(be with a girl in the bed and kissing, doing stuff)..
I cannot describe the feeling i feel now. This happened 1-2 months ago. And im very embarresed to pray and ask for forgviness..I know God is most merciful, but i did a big sin(
Please, please what should i do? maybe kill myself? please help.
-
3953 Say "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Hello! Thanks for the reminder, but this time i felt like i have hit the wall, it is different.
I will never stop asking for forgivness and be thankful+do good deeds for God.still, i have done something really really wrong and i dont think i will be able to forgive myself, unless God helps me out..
-
Hello! Thanks for the reminder, but this time i felt like i have hit the wall, it is different.
I will never stop asking for forgivness and be thankful+do good deeds for God.still, i have done something really really wrong and i dont think i will be able to forgive myself, unless God helps me out..
You have been granted a magnificent gift, of guilt, and regret and whatever else, and the anguish given to Adam for example. He said
723
They said Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If thou forgive us not and have not mercy on us, surely we are of the lost!Both of them "Our Lord we have wronged ourselves, and if not You forgive us and have mercy (on) us, surely, we will be among the losers."
Qala rabbana thalamna anfusana wa-in lam taghfir lana watarhamna lanakoonanna mina alkhasireena
You should pray, Rubbay Agfir wa arhum wa untha khayrur rahimeen.
Yet, do not seek relief, THIS is an opportunity to use as fuel to heighten your religious devotion out of shame, fear, and horror. Why would you want to let it go? So that you return to forgetfulness? No! Remember it, and feel terrible, and continue to pray hard, and never feel safe, never feel forgiven, never become easy and easy on yourself. Constantly give in charity, do everything fearfully, knowing you can be thrown into sin and even hell easily. This can be used as a GIFT.
Now, also, why not see if you can be honorable with this girl, and not do Zina but instead properly do your duty towards her and be righteous and knightly and give to her the proper rights and respect, and if you marry her, then you can do it all day it long what is the big deal then, except that she is a kaffir?
Try to see how you can amend everything and correct it, but fornication and a life of fornication is sinful because of its destructiveness and how it wastes a girl, and how its dishonorable and people are not doing what is right but what is hurtful and they are not following the proper obligations and duties to pay and be responsible for each other and you moreover for the woman.
Do you see? So fix it if you can, and if you can not, regardless, be in fear, and don't waste this fuel.
-
3953 Say "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
lol, how wasteful.
-
You have been granted a magnificent gift, of guilt, and regret and whatever else, and the anguish given to Adam for example. He said
723
They said Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If thou forgive us not and have not mercy on us, surely we are of the lost!Both of them "Our Lord we have wronged ourselves, and if not You forgive us and have mercy (on) us, surely, we will be among the losers."
Qala rabbana thalamna anfusana wa-in lam taghfir lana watarhamna lanakoonanna mina alkhasireena
You should pray, Rubbay Agfir wa arhum wa untha khayrur rahimeen.
Yet, do not seek relief, THIS is an opportunity to use as fuel to heighten your religious devotion out of shame, fear, and horror. Why would you want to let it go? So that you return to forgetfulness? No! Remember it, and feel terrible, and continue to pray hard, and never feel safe, never feel forgiven, never become easy and easy on yourself. Constantly give in charity, do everything fearfully, knowing you can be thrown into sin and even hell easily. This can be used as a GIFT.
Now, also, why not see if you can be honorable with this girl, and not do Zina but instead properly do your duty towards her and be righteous and knightly and give to her the proper rights and respect, and if you marry her, then you can do it all day it long what is the big deal then, except that she is a kaffir?
Try to see how you can amend everything and correct it, but fornication and a life of fornication is sinful because of its destructiveness and how it wastes a girl, and how its dishonorable and people are not doing what is right but what is hurtful and they are not following the proper obligations and duties to pay and be responsible for each other and you moreover for the woman.
Do you see? So fix it if you can, and if you can not, regardless, be in fear, and don't waste this fuel.
Thank you for youre kind words, may god bless you!
I can not let this sin go, but maybe this was a test for me?
Why do i feel bad one can question?Because when a person is good, thankful, prays to god, do good deeds and stuff according to what god has decreed to us humans then this person is ranked high and theire of the honourable, but if you do a sin then its game over and even worse for someone that knew the laws..
Anyways, after ramadan ill tell this girl if she wants to get more serious and maybe do a marriage contract according to Quran and stuff.
And Allah will not mislead a people after He hath guided them, in order that He may make clear to them what to fear (and avoid)- for Allah hath knowledge of all things.
Q 9115Now this wouldnt mean that you can do zina once, or rob a bank once to feel how it is. No! But maybe God looks at the hearts?
For example, maybe theres a difference between someone that intends to do zina and does zina by mistake?But the thing is, this all was very strange because i could never in my life imagine that i could do this, after all spiritual things i did..I didnt intend to do sexual acts when i was going to meet this person and we met after 4-5 months? but it just happened and im still thinking about it, "was it a dream"?, "you fool, after god guided you, you did this?", "couldnt you wait til marriage?"
And subhanAllah, before i did this sins, i felt very content with life you know. but then all this happened, but it doesnt stop me from praying and asking for forgivness though itll be harder to achieve the same rank, it is possible if im more humble, more god fearing and do more good deeds.
I guess we always have to be on our guard, remembrence of god is very important but i think that if one asks for forgivness then God is most merciful of fogiving, then you just got to watch out for not doing other sins.
I did bad sins and only God can forgive me, maybe God wants to test how whole heartedly i repent and if i deserve more beautiful bounties from god, but thats just a thought. I have promised that i will, with Gods guidance and help ofc, live a righteous live free from sins and try to educate others about the only one religion from God<=>Allah.
God is great.
-
Thank you for youre kind words, may god bless you!
I can not let this sin go, but maybe this was a test for me?
Why do i feel bad one can question?Because when a person is good, thankful, prays to god, do good deeds and stuff according to what god has decreed to us humans then this person is ranked high and theire of the honourable, but if you do a sin then its game over and even worse for someone that knew the laws..(
Anyways, after ramadan ill tell this girl if she wants to get more serious and maybe do a marriage contract according to Quran and stuff.
"And Allah will not mislead a people after He hath guided them, in order that He may make clear to them what to fear (and avoid)- for Allah hath knowledge of all things. "
Q 9115God is great.
I will tell you what is best for us humans, the secret of where we should aim our minds
In everything we do, we should behave most honorably, like a knight, like a pious and saintly, honorable warrior.
The sin of Zina and fornication is exactly that, it is not doing your duty to a woman, not treating her or yourself right.
Of course it was a test! Not a moment of your life is not sent by Allah, and it is nothing to really rejoice about either, except to remember we are being tested.
It is said, the way to win the test, is to fear God. That the "Noblest" knight of all is the one who Fears God the most, and the Fear of God also makes you more noble!
Do not seek relief from the anguish, as the anguish is the fuel and the suffering is life itself, but instead Strive, as a warrior strives, to do honor and justice and goodness.
A good knight, remembers his duty, and honors women, and honors his family, and honors his code of conduct to be compassionate, and soft, and easy. Your sensitivity to feel sick and guilty is exactly the perfect start.
Now think! How can I best do justice? What is wrong? How is it not right, what is not compassionate? How can I fix things, how can I give relief, how can I make things better? I must do justice, my whole body craves righteousness, my whole being demands that I be honorable, just, virtuous, kind, charitable, merciful! WILL I SEE MYSELF A MERE VILLAIN? WILL I SEE MYSELF AN UNJUST ONE!? WILL I SEE MYSELF A WEAKLING DOING WHAT IS DESPICABLE?!
No! Do not let yourself do what even you find hateful, but do what is right and best, be most honorable, be most excellent. Do not fight or harm, but turn towards righteousness and justice in everything you do, to be most kind, most relieving, most gentle, most full of shame, virtue, prudence, and you might just succeed in life.
So if you can, aim your whole life, and your whole being, your whole intention towards being like the most awesomely honorable and excellent person ever.
All sins are what harms you and others and are unjust. Think about why, what is wrong, and then fix it, and then do your duty, and do what is right.
Do not follow whims, but follow justice and honor, do not hurt her or make her cry, but always take EVERY opportunity every BREATHE you take and every MOMENT of your life, to do what garners merit in your eyes, what you find MOST BEAUTIFUL IN CONDUCT, most EXCELLENT, and FEAR GOD utterly, and REMEMBER the Horror of acting unjustly and not doing what is right or just.
If your intentions are always most serenely just, and you act according to honorableness in relieving suffering and anxiety everywhere in life and not promoting corruption but doing your duty and doing what is right, you will see a life transformed.
The struggle will always be there, you were born into a world of WAR into a life of suffering, you were born on the battlefield, into the FRAY and you must pray and fight, pray and fight, pray and fight to do what is right!
My Lord, My God, please make me among the honorable, and teach me and tell me what to do and how to be most just and most righteous and most compassionate in everything, and make me do it, and make me, in the sight of all, in your sight, the most just, the most honorable, and the most righteous of your servants. Please give me the justice and goodness of which FreedomStands speaks, and thank you for sending me this message, and do not let me go astray please, I am always at your complete mercy, and if you harm me, all power belongs to you truly, and if you help me, you alone can help me, I can not save myself nor can I do what is right save by your strength and your will, so improve me, and make me foremost of your honorable ones who do justice, you are the Master, and I am your slave. My God help me.
-
I think that only Allah Who can truly help you, so, why not focus on seeking help unto Allah alone?
And also, be careful about oath, I don't think it is good to make oath without enough consideration (sufficient thought).
If you still not able to maintain your oath, then perhaps it is better if what you do is making commitment - without oath/promise/pledge.
And also, if I'm not mistaken...
Didn't you already married to her??
i married her now i feel better
Can you be trusted, agphys?
Whether you really tell the truth about yourself?
-
You feel bad because God is making you feel bad, and it may be that God wills that such an event is used as a catalyst for change towards goodness, that you have been selected to be turned. It is an honor, if you are one to go down that path, otherwise it may be that God seeks to torment you, but whatever it is, God is doing it and you're at the mercy of God.
My recommendation is to seriously take what I've said here, and start your life as my brother knight in honor and nobility, compassion, and true righteous justness.
How attractive a proposal, and it is easy for Allah to grant it to you, but only the humble shall be knighted, and the humble are those who realize they have no strength of their own whatsoever, nor can even will a thing save Allah wills it for them, who truly know the Surrender of their whole being and that they are helpless before Allah, their life story is written by Allah, and if it is good or bad, they have no control over it as was demonstrated to you repeatedly. They turn in terrified repentance realizing that God can push them over a cliff or make them slit their own throat, the terrible power of our Master.
The arrogant can not bow, or prostrate, or do right, they are left blind to the knowledge that God is driving them and pushing them, and one day they will perhaps see with their own eyes the chains that are around their neck. Those same chains are around our neck too, but the arrogant don't believe in them so then maybe they will made to see.
If you think you can do it on your own, then prepare yourself for a life of many mistakes, because the ultimate lesson, the whole lesson of life and everything which is ALL the communication of Allah to us, is this "All Power Belongs to Allah". Anyone who does not comprehend ALL means ALL, is being made arrogant and averse to the truth, and they may never be in the assemble of the righteous knights of God. Such are expelled, rejected, and despised, and they still follow the commands of God, but as rebels, who spread corruption and are hated by themselves, and hated by the whole world, the angels, and God, God creates even what is hateful and abominable, and you should dread being that.
Take this sin and repeated sin as God stabbing you with a sword, puncturing your heart, and you know that sometimes disease elimination includes surgery.
If God has given you the will to turn right, and if God gives you the ability to do what I've said and take these messages well, then praise God and be grateful, and be most diligent in pursuing righteousness like a wolf or a hyena, stalk it everywhere, and strike at every opportunity to be amazing and wonderful, and you will be a blessed one then, as long as you know it is God who has done it and God who does it, no credit belongs to you ever in anything, good or bad, so pray to be saved from being made an evildoer and unjust one and being lost, and pray you heed and do exactly what is most good and best of all and pray that you achieve the ultimate happiness in this life and the next, and the ultimate happiness is to Know God, who is Chaos, and understand Slavery, that you were made an Actor, a Machine, you do exactly what God wants you to do, so you were made a warrior, so fight for good, and then you know Peace, Surrendering to the Reality of things.
-
I think that only Allah Who can truly help you, so, why not focus on seeking help unto Allah alone?
And also, be careful about oath, I don't think it is good to make oath without enough consideration (sufficient thought).
If you still not able to maintain your oath, then perhaps it is better if what you do is making commitment - without oath/promise/pledge.
And also, if I'm not mistaken...
Didn't you already married to her??
Can you be trusted, agphys?
Whether you really tell the truth about yourself?
Well, the thing is we did but thats what i thought because we did it the wrong way firstly and then we said that its better to break this and just have a normal relationship. I felt like the girl from runaway bride you know.
But after ramadan ill be honest and marry her with 2 witnessed, if she agrees/doesnt agree then may God forgive us for our sins
-
I think that only Allah Who can truly help you, so, why not focus on seeking help unto Allah alone?
And also, be careful about oath, I don't think it is good to make oath without enough consideration (sufficient thought).
If you still not able to maintain your oath, then perhaps it is better if what you do is making commitment - without oath/promise/pledge.
And also, if I'm not mistaken...
Didn't you already married to her??
Can you be trusted, agphys?
Whether you really tell the truth about yourself?
A liar lies at their own expense. That doesn't mean it is not God who is showing us an example by creating a liar or a truth teller. If agphys is wise, he will listen to what has been written here, and if he is to be unwise, then he will watch with his own eyes where it takes him.
He doesn't need to make any oaths, and should avoid oaths altogether, because he has no ability to keep them, but instead should pursue goodness and justice in everything, and that advice applies to anyone and everyone. He won't be able to do it if he isn't humble and is one of the bad people.
-
Well, the thing is we did but thats what i thought because we did it the wrong way firstly and then we said that its better to break this and just have a normal relationship. I felt like the girl from runaway bride you know.
But after ramadan ill be honest and marry her with 2 witnessed, if she agrees/doesnt agree then may God forgive us for our sins
Yes, and keep to honor, even if one day you don't feel this or don't feel that, always do what is just and right, and tie yourself up and save yourself from doing what is corrupt or cruel or hurtful or wrong, and always be the good one.
All of this has been good advice for you and I hope you take it as a salve to your battle wounds.
-
Maybe read all the posts from the beginning and then when a person has made many mistakes, they just need to stop and think "ok, now, if God so wills, I will try my best to do everything justly and rightly, and only God can guide me as to what to do, without God I am lost entirely".
-
You feel bad because God is making you feel bad, and it may be that God wills that such an event is used as a catalyst for change towards goodness, that you have been selected to be turned. It is an honor, if you are one to go down that path, otherwise it may be that God seeks to torment you, but whatever it is, God is doing it and you're at the mercy of God.
My recommendation is to seriously take what I've said here, and start your life as my brother knight in honor and nobility, compassion, and true righteous justness.
How attractive a proposal, and it is easy for Allah to grant it to you, but only the humble shall be knighted, and the humble are those who realize they have no strength of their own whatsoever, nor can even will a thing save Allah wills it for them, who truly know the Surrender of their whole being and that they are helpless before Allah, their life story is written by Allah, and if it is good or bad, they have no control over it as was demonstrated to you repeatedly. They turn in terrified repentance realizing that God can push them over a cliff or make them slit their own throat, the terrible power of our Master.
The arrogant can not bow, or prostrate, or do right, they are left blind to the knowledge that God is driving them and pushing them, and one day they will perhaps see with their own eyes the chains that are around their neck. Those same chains are around our neck too, but the arrogant don't believe in them so then maybe they will made to see.
If you think you can do it on your own, then prepare yourself for a life of many mistakes, because the ultimate lesson, the whole lesson of life and everything which is ALL the communication of Allah to us, is this "All Power Belongs to Allah". Anyone who does not comprehend ALL means ALL, is being made arrogant and averse to the truth, and they may never be in the assemble of the righteous knights of God. Such are expelled, rejected, and despised, and they still follow the commands of God, but as rebels, who spread corruption and are hated by themselves, and hated by the whole world, the angels, and God, God creates even what is hateful and abominable, and you should dread being that.
Take this sin and repeated sin as God stabbing you with a sword, puncturing your heart, and you know that sometimes disease elimination includes surgery.
If God has given you the will to turn right, and if God gives you the ability to do what I've said and take these messages well, then praise God and be grateful, and be most diligent in pursuing righteousness like a wolf or a hyena, stalk it everywhere, and strike at every opportunity to be amazing and wonderful, and you will be a blessed one then, as long as you know it is God who has done it and God who does it, no credit belongs to you ever in anything, good or bad, so pray to be saved from being made an evildoer and unjust one and being lost, and pray you heed and do exactly what is most good and best of all and pray that you achieve the ultimate happiness in this life and the next, and the ultimate happiness is to Know God, who is Chaos, and understand Slavery, that you were made an Actor, a Machine, you do exactly what God wants you to do, so you were made a warrior, so fight for good, and then you know Peace, Surrendering to the Reality of things.
Thank you, so much. This all happened while i was not doing my daily prayers for the remebrance of God, but im now assured of that prayers do really act as a barrier against sins etc, without the remembrance of god trough prayer etc, then youre on manual-mode.
Im very thankful for your thoughts and youre help, i will ponder on what has been written and do everything i can to better myself, so as to achieve the good in this world and the hereafter if god wills.
But what i know now is that i need to repent and live a more righteous life if god wills.
-
Thank you, so much. This all happened while i was not doing my daily prayers for the remebrance of God, but im now assured of that prayers do really act as a barrier against sins etc, without the remembrance of god trough prayer etc, then youre on manual-mode.
Im very thankful for your thoughts and youre help, i will ponder on what has been written and do everything i can to better myself, so as to achieve the good in this world and the hereafter if god wills.
But what i know now is that i need to repent and live a more righteous life if god wills.
Great response, and yes, please do read it, I just read it all again myself, and I hope that I take heed of the same messages I gave you too. I also spread it to some others, we're all in the same boat, in the same condition, in need of the same advice and help, and should hope to be on the same mission of goodness in everything. Have a beautiful day insha'Allah!
-
https//youtu.be/uV0dwrpkUKE?t=189
-
Hi FreedomStands.
I too like your suggestions to agphys.
Nice words.Regards,
ArmanThank you very much! We all should do it if we can!
https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLRqzTp6Rk
-
https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTcJWhmdzpg
-
I think there is something wrong that has occurred in this thread, really... =___=
I suppose we actually do not know his true condition and situation...
and what if people here gave him unsuitable advices...?
Now, also, why not see if you can be honorable with this girl, and not do Zina but instead properly do your duty towards her and be righteous and knightly and give to her the proper rights and respect, and if you marry her, then you can do it all day it long what is the big deal then, except that she is a kaffir?
I thought you disagree if a Muslim marry with a Christian?
To my knowledge, the girl is a Christian (if agphys refer to the same person).
i told her to agrre to my wish to do mutah, and shes a christian..