sex before marriage
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salaam
To say in short, its a huge gamble, but the children ususally 'give in' even when they dont see sense in it, either due to compulsion(emotional blackmail such as 'we took so much care of u and this is how u repay us by disobeying us' etc ...) or real compulsion(child locked up if the child revoltsand there are death threats, suicide threats, Heart-attacks, collapses etc) or the child gives in coz he/she realises the parents will get hurt if he/she disobeys and hence gives in, for the sake of the love and respect he/she feels for them.
Is that not a forced marriage!
My understanding was that arranged marriage was the one which was arranged for the convienece of the couple i.e they were brought togather for the purpose of marriage and it was felt (by who ever was arranging) that they were likely to be compatible as a couple. Is compatibilty! not the reason why most marriages seemingly take place.
regards
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Hi Stillearning,
Well, how will compatibility be known if the partners do not get to know each other? They can not get to know each other coz they are not allowed to meet in person( except one or two ocassions when they meet in the midst of the families(around 10-15 people), so not much chance of a conversation other than 'hi there', and usually the 2nd meeting is the 'engagement ceremony' ) and casual phone conversations are not allowed either(except on rare occassions, for eg, birthday etc).
The criteria(in order of importance) generally used by the well-wishing parents are these, in addition to 'same nationality, same religion, same caste' (which are absolutely must haves).
To select a bride
1.Beautiful, 2.good family background, 3.good health, 4.rich family(rich enough to pay the dowry they want. the richer the better!), 5.education(depends on whether they want the bride to be a house wife or an earner).To Select a Groom
- Good healthy chap. 2. Good, respectable family 3. Good Job with Good income 4.Educated 5. Clean records(criminal and social) 6.Non smoker, Non-alcoholic 7. affordable dowry
Can u sense compatibility in the deal?
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salaam jaxal
Forced marriage / arrange marriage = potatoe / potaatoe looooolll
no idea please explain.
regards -
Well, it can be called a forced marriage when there are threats(death threats, suicide threats, heart-attacks, collapses etc) involved.
In the case when the child approves for the matrimony though he/she is not in favour of such an arranged marriage, as the child doesnt want to hurt the parents , it becomes ' sacrifice'! -
SaLaM PM
It dont have to be thread. The emotional drama can also do the trick. My mom wanted me to get married to this girl she choose for me. It was an arranged marriage. I was against that from the start. At first, the emotional black mail really got to me. And it was getting to me so bad that i NEARLY gave in. But i didnt. Not everyone does that. Sometimes, the emotional offensive works just as well has threats and what not.
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Hi Jaxal,
Yeah, I know what u mean.
Here are some Emotional blackmails
'Why are we alive to see this day, to see our children disobeying us?,
Is this how u repay us after all that we have done for u?
do u only care about urself? how can u be so selfish?
Is this how we get repaid for all those sacrifices we have made for u?And the more u revolt, there comes the 'heart attacks', collapses etc which will make u much more guilty.
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Jaxal,
So, u escaped?
Good for u! -
SaLaM PM
Here are some Emotional blackmails
'Why are we alive to see this day, to see our children disobeying us?,
Is this how u repay us after all that we have done for u?
do u only care about urself? how can u be so selfish?
Is this how we get repaid for all those sacrifices we have made for u?BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl BAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
There is sooo much more i can addd hahahahahhhhhahhaha
And yes i did got out of it. I have not made many good decisions or choices in my life. So i guess this was important to me. No way im ruining the life of some innocent girl.
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salaam
So, u escaped?
Good for u!Good or bad we will never know. Only speculate>
regards -
salaam jaxal
Well.. knowing myself, i can definately say that its good for the girl that she didnt marry me.
I dont suppose we can get her to varify you statement. wink
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Well, the chances that one ends up with a partner they fall in love, is less than 5% in an arranged marriage.
The odds are only as good as the first person u meet on the street today.
so, I guess, its always better to get out of it if one can, but the sad reality is not all can. Its a strange complex muddle. -
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salamm
Loooooll
Is this a southern expression. Not in any northern dictionary!
regards -
Aalaikum salaam
Lol= laughigh out loudly wink
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Salam.
Ok. dating's fine with me. But what i wanted to say was, that if dating goes to o far, then marriage becomes pointless. If you're going to live together, have sex, have children, then it doesnt make any difference whether your married or not. And the reason that's bad is because being married gives people a sense of committment (if your already married, might as well work on it), but if you're just "dating," then you dont have that committment, and you dont care that much about splitting up. That's what I wanted to say. And that is only my opinion based on my 16 year experience with life.But i do agree with you, getting to know someone you're gonna marry is much better than having an arranged marriage. But, then again, if you feel that the "arranged" person is right for you, and you know him/her well, then i dont think an "arranged" marriage is such a bad idea.
And Jaxal, i think i'm gonna go through the same thing in a few years. wink
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Peace to all
sorry I only read the first 4 pages and here is my notes
- In the Islamic marriage, simply the husband has to pay 2 things
commonly known as
"Shabkah"
"Mahr"
the Shabkah is a gift to the bride
The Mahr is given to the bride family to help in building the new house for the two, i.e. the Mahr paid by the Husband is just a share in the cost of building the house "furniture etc, etc", the family of the woman MUST also pay their share to prepare the house, it works roughly like 50%, 50%, but whoeever have money should pay more for sure
so it is not a fee to sleep with the woman, there is no such thing that inclination as such
as far as I know Zani and Zania, covers married and unmarried humans
the forgivness promised in the verse posted by Taj, is for the prostitutes who were forced into prostitution
the logic that desperation makes prostitution ok, is funny and will not stand any sense as exctracted from the Quran, I will try to find a few verses later, in fact based on that flawed logic, murder due to desperation should be OK, or any crime due to desperation should be ok
prostitution is forbidden "logically" to protect the human race at least, the prostitute can transfer diseases to many men on one day or one of the customers transfer it to the prostitute then the prostitute transfer it to many men and it will keep going
prostitution also destroys families including children
a male or a female prostitute are definitly bound to hell unless they repent
peace to all
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Peace be upon you AhmedBahgat,
Peace to all
the Shabakah is a gift to the prideThe Mahr is given to the pride family to help in building the new house for the two, i.e. the Mahr paid by the Husband is just a share in the cost of building the house "furniture etc, etc", the family of the woman MUST also pay their share to prepare the house, it works roughly like 50%, 50%, but whoeever have money should pay more for sure
Just a minor correction done for you. It's bride. Gift to the pride and pride family just sounded wrong. Apologies for nit-picking. Communication is a powerful tool. We don't want people who are linguistically declined in English to get the wrong idea.
prostitution is forbidden "logically" to protect the human race at least, the prostitute can transfer diseases to many men on one day or one of the customers transfer it to the prostitute then the prostitute transfer it to many men and it will keep going
prostitution also destroys families including children
a male or a female prostitute are definitly bound to hell unless they repent
peace to all
If prostitution is forbidden "logically" to protect the human race, then why is it theoretically one of the oldest known professions? The human race sure seems well protected with prostitution in its place. As far as I know, even safe sex is encouraged at brothels. Prostitutes are even sent for checkups, courtesy of their pimps. Sort of like, they want to keep their goods in good condition until wear and tear occurs. So theoretically again, prosititution is "safer", well at least here in Singapore. As much as we may want to protect the human race from such adversities, we cannot stop them from going on. The more we protect, the more another will overcome the protection. The more we forbid it, the more the sexually deprave human will want it. That is what actually will keep going. On our end, just educate the people we know about such things and hope they don't go get jiggy with those prostitutes. If they choose to, then too bad. Just safeguard ourselves. I suppose that will suffice. Feel free to share your views. Cheers.