Taking off the Hijab
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I've been thinking about it for a while and I almost took it off yesterday but I chickened out at the last minute -\ Would it be ironic to say that I feel just the way I did when I first put it on?
I guess I'm kind of afraid of the reactions of people I know who care about me and the fact that I'm not yet ready to be berated about leaving Sunnism. I remember when I first put it on and hearing my (Non-Muslim) Mother tell me that the Quran doesn't even say to cover your hair, it's strange that she should say this to me a year ago and yet it was as if I put my fingers in my ears refusing to listen. It angered me that she was right and whenever she would ask me to bring the Quran to prove that Hijab = hair covering, I would always put it off until some other time.
Now I'm at a point where I simply don't want to endorse it any more but kind of see it as a bit of a safety blanket and it sounds weird but it's a bit of an ice-breaker? If that even makes sense. Plus, as I mentioned before, I'm not yet ready to come out of the closet about my 'apostasy'. I think the Muslim community around here see me in an unrealistic way (they are usually like this with converts) and I guess putting a foot wrong might warrant some horrible reactions.
I'm sort of in two minds about it right now. I want it off but I just don't know! >_<
Are there any Sisters here who took it off (or kept it on)? Any advice would be nice from girls and guys.
Thanks peace
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I try to live by that but I find that, in theory, it's easier to say than to do (
It might be at first (and I imagine it will be) but it's easier when you have people supporting you like your mother. You wouldn't want to look back in the future and wish you did what you really wanted to do and what makes you happy.
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Now I'm at a point where I simply don't want to endorse it any more but kind of see it as a bit of a safety blanket and it sounds weird but it's a bit of an ice-breaker? If that even makes sense. Plus, as I mentioned before, I'm not yet ready to come out of the closet about my 'apostasy'. I think the Muslim community around here see me in an unrealistic way (they are usually like this with converts) and I guess putting a foot wrong might warrant some horrible reactions.
I know what you mean. It is like a safety blanket because of the connotations behind it "virtuous" "righteous" "God fearing/dedicated". I remember once this bro told me "every time i see a hijabi i tingle with excitement that this sister is dedicating herself to God and following God's order" i thought erm ok, perceptions.. I feel in the community people tend to give more respect to the one in the headcover, they tend to believe they're more spiritual..
Being a convert and taking it off might be a lil diff than being born muslim and taking it off but people will always talk regardless. Though i think, if they still think you're muslim they'll conclude you got weak faith or something, others might go off and start talking about promiscuity.
Society pressures us in ways. I wear it, worn it for like 15years.. i kinda feel weird without it i.e. going to all girls parties but also feels good.. i don't hate hijab, i don't think it's an obligation but today it's like become this powerful message.
I thought of taking off the headscarf, it still occurs in my head but a few things stop me. I know it would cause quite a bit of animosity in the family. so i don't like the idea thatmy actions which isn't really going to affect them, is going to cause friction. i'd hate to be the purpose for breaking families ties, or even worse me being an outcast.
Unfortunately though i think it kinda will affect the family due to society. How? well, i got 2 single bro's one thing people judge when marriage terms come about is the family status, if rumours go around "they have a sister that is like this and that.." well that might cause some problems for them. something i don't want to create but probably not a big issue.
The idea of being seen as less respected, less serious, less religious is off putting but i think i can deal with that.
Another negative issue about it is, well i live in this society where it's my right to dress and be as i like, would non-muslims still respect muslims for their choice of clothing? i guess one person taking it off here and there isn't going to be a big deal but maybe if it was seen normal they'd have less respect for it's purpose and who knows petition for a ban.
probably i'm over thinking things to comfort why i wear it. headscarf is good as an identifier on the bus or in public i get people talking to me because they recognise me as a muslim so it feels good that i could possibly enlighten someone with some thoughts/knowledge. But also it's not islamic, it's not in Quran it's not an obligation. we created a burden from a burden almost.
I had planned to take it off end of this year because my major concern was; people backbiting at uni (i didn't wanna deal with it) and off course family. So if i had a lil bit of money i'd be less concerned and their threats won't be so powerful.. but that's me, everyone's circumstance is diff.
Do you know any sunni's who know your views? how long have you had it on?
Peace )
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Salaam Sister.
Personally, I have nothing against women who choose to wear the headscarves. If that makes them closer to God, or it makes them feel more protected, or it is what they think is modest, by all means, go for it. I respect their decisions.
I don't know what you want to do with your headscarf. As cliche as it may sound, just follow your heart. Don't think of what others think about you. Just do it. I too felt the same fear as you do, well not with headscarf but more of my belief. I was SO scared about having discussions with others about it. But once I did it, I felt GREAT and now I feel I can do more and more!
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Is this not confusion Sarah? "It is not Islamic" - "it is not an obligation"? Perhaps its islamic to remove it!
She listed the reasons why she couldn't. She's mentioned that she doesn't believe it to be Islamic or an obligation in her heart but the repercussions that could follow don't exactly make it as clear cut as you've mentioned. I don't know if you understand or if you're a woman or not, but with the Hijab it's not really as simple as 'take it off' especially if you've been wearing it for a prolonged period of time so please, before you judge her realise it's NOT easy especially when you consider other factors. Putting it on is scary, taking it off is a HELL of a lot scarier.
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I had planned to take it off end of this year because my major concern was; people backbiting at uni (i didn't wanna deal with it) and off course family. So if i had a lil bit of money i'd be less concerned and their threats won't be so powerful.. but that's me, everyone's circumstance is diff.
Do you know any sunni's who know your views? how long have you had it on?
Peace )
About the Uni thing, I was planning on doing the same. If I don't stay in London, then it's definitely going to be an issue and I'm starting in September/October time so it's getting to the point of making a decision. But I don't understand
So if i had a lil bit of money i'd be less concerned and their threats won't be so powerful..
???I've been wearing it for a year now, I took it off once but it was a really uncomfortable and I just felt people (men) were looking at me which is one of the reasons why I put it on in the first place. And no, none of my Sunni friends know about it and I'm not really planning to say anything right now. I've got my studies which are stressing me out enough as it is and I'm not really prepared for an angry mob calling me to the gallows lol. I did tell one of my friends who doesn't wear the Hijab that I'm thinking of taking it off and she asked me all of these questions and I kind of realised that until I was able to talk about my beliefs, I couldn't really take it off because trying to explain to them without my telling them that it's not obligatory will be difficult.
Stuck in a rut -\
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The problem is that those who put it on because they do believe that it is obligatory are acting consistently, but those who do not think it is obligatory and put it on are transmitting a lie.
On the other hand there are the repercussions. But ?do you have to say you are not sunni or you are Quran only or whatever just to say that you do not think hijab is obligatory? Some years ago you could perfectly be sunni and all and still not think that hijab was obligatory. In a sense it is a "religious fashion" and in fact it is a point for male chauvinism in a match that seems to be played in all ages. They managed to get their "obligtory" and their "hijab". So when we accept that, we are giving them a goal against ourselves. So wouldn't just explaining, when explanation is needed, that you are feeling wrong wearing it because of lack of conviction on that count help with it?
As for personal repercussions, I suppose it is like smoking. If you do not start, it never becomes a problem, if you do, no matter what, for most people it is always a big issue. They suffer too much and many times have to go back to it, because they can't bear the urge or they get in such an state that they cannot lead their daily life hlf as they should and fall back for self-preservation... One thing is sure the sooner you get rid of it, the better. But do not become obssessed. You know you have to do it for your own sake, but set yur own arrangements as they suit you. Be detached about it. Nobody is judging you, just arrange it for your convenience, and relax. It is bad to accept pressure on this kind of thing, either to put it on or to take it off. You have to do it on your own terms, and relaxedly. Fight the battles in the terrain that best suits you and when it best suits you. Freedom has no price, and we are ourselves our own worst jailkeepers. Be your jail liberator and not your jaikeeper. (sorry if I sound patronizing).
Salam
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HNF! If you know it is not proper (i.e., bad) then remove it; if it does not matter then don't make issue out of it.
Hey it's not bad or good, it's just a thing. is growing a beard bad or good it's just a thing.
About the Uni thing, I was planning on doing the same. If I don't stay in London, then it's definitely going to be an issue and I'm starting in September/October time so it's getting to the point of making a decision. But I don't understand ???
well if you move don't you think it'll be a lesser issue, because those people won't exactly know you. with me these people view me as "oh mashallah so pious she wore it before her mum, she still wears it bla bla bla" min i take it off! circle turns 360.
it's so annoying how "hijab" is so over talked at my household. just earlier today i was walking with my mum and a group of asians were looking at us, my mum says "they're looking at us cos we look better than them, we wear hijab" and she started going on about hijab.. frustrating i thought..
then later was watching tennis, i told my bro "i shoulda taken up tennis" and his reply "you'd be the only muhajiba doing it" and im like well i wasn't thinking professional just for fun.. and his like "oh, i'll play with you".
It's like ah this hijab is such a HUGE symbol, like everything is embedded with it
I've been wearing it for a year now, I took it off once but it was a really uncomfortable and I just felt people (men) were looking at me which is one of the reasons why I put it on in the first place. And no, none of my Sunni friends know about it and I'm not really planning to say anything right now. I've got my studies which are stressing me out enough as it is and I'm not really prepared for an angry mob calling me to the gallows lol. I did tell one of my friends who doesn't wear the Hijab that I'm thinking of taking it off and she asked me all of these questions and I kind of realised that until I was able to talk about my beliefs, I couldn't really take it off because trying to explain to them without my telling them that it's not obligatory will be difficult.
Stuck in a rut -\
Best be able to explain the reasoning, i think i'm not to confident in my memory and i'll have the whole household against my decision so it'll be tough. so for comfort i'd wanna prepare answers in my head, expecting the worst it's easier to deal with. that way people can rationalise it rather than thinking it's all for selfish reasons, theyre all attached to the dunya bla bla. i mean it's tough, why do we really care about people's thoughts but in reality we live in a society and well no one wants to be a loner or outcast.
at least you're a convert, you could come up with good excuses
"i dont feel ready yet, i rushed it.. i don't have enough knowledge i feel like i'm a bad representative"
"i went into it to quick, i feel pressured in the community"
anything you say could be seen innocent.i dunno.. but a yr aint to bad, if you wore it for 5-10+ and took it off imagine the shock.
i told a close gf of mine and she kept being evasive and ignoring it, like i said nothing. i also noticed she kept complimenting me more on how i dress and dress up the hijab i thought lol i wonder why.
a few suggested wait till i get married. makes me laugh how marriage is the escape of everything but you know i argue what if i dont get married! no guarantee there.
I always had an affinity to it, if i didnt come to my thoughts today i don't think i would seriously contemplate taking it off...
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it's so annoying how "hijab" is so over talked at my household. just earlier today i was walking with my mum and a group of asians were looking at us, my mum says "they're looking at us cos we look better than them, we wear hijab" and she started going on about hijab.. frustrating i thought..
then later was watching tennis, i told my bro "i shoulda taken up tennis" and his reply "you'd be the only muhajiba doing it" and im like well i wasn't thinking professional just for fun.. and his like "oh, i'll play with you".
It's like ah this hijab is such a HUGE symbol, like everything is embedded with it
It really upsets me when that happens. It's like I'm a piece of cloth nothing more. Everything I do has to be related to this piece of cloth on my head.
I've gotten "It's because you wear a hijab" from 'friends' because I had problems getting a job. And the constant reminder that "mashallah she's been wearing the hijab since she was a kid" which I hate to hear because it was a very difficult time in my life and it depresses me.