My divorce - need your help
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This is my plan how to win the case and get my freedom and own will back wink and this is why I opend this thread so if anyone can refer to a Sura/Aya which could help me in this situation would be appreciated.
Peace
Sunnis don't follow the Quran. The more ardent ones don't care what it says. They have brainwashed themselves into stupidity and the brainwashers have brainwashed intolerance into the brainwashed so they can never go back.
Roshan
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Salam Aleikum all of you )
Taj, thanks very much for the ayas ) I looked up the free-minds translation.
And great link wink I needed it!Peace,
Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
but Truth, she will have to live in a society, in a community that accepts as valid her divorce, if not , how could she marry again if she wishes?
Exactly this is the point how can I marry again if I am not divorced regularly. My husband would never ever accept if I'm saying "oh, I left you two years ago, now I decide that I'm divorced and will marry again". No way! Think of the kids! He might get wild and take them or whatever. In addition to that my coming husband in future wouldn't like to marry a not-divorced/still-married woman - I'm sure of that. And my husband could always come and claim that I am still his wife - which would be true.
You seem too entangled in the 'sunni' situation. If you believe the law cannot help you - then why do you give authority to a "sheikh" or to your ex-husband who seems to be in denial of the reality of the situation? Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
I cannot continue life as if I would be alone. My husband is not a reader of this site ) , nor does he accept most of the things written here. This is the way they see it and I have to deal with it. Of course I fear God and He tells us to divorce if marriage can't be continued. So because I fear God, I have to get divorced regularly.
Well, If its Only the shaikh who can dissolve ur marriage, then I suppose, u should talk & try convincing him that u do not wish to stay married to ur husband. Nobody can force u to. Not even the shaikh. Its only upto the couple to decide. If ur husband is not in favour of the divorce, then I suppose u will have to do some homework. Try bringing up good reasons why u do not wish to stay married with ur husband. Try pointing out the support or lack of it u have recieved the last 2 yrs etc
I talked again today with him and he actually gave me some hope. And if it may be that I will "buy" my freedom with money (see the aya 4128 down). He will arrange a meeting in the near future.
And I found today what I was looking for
Yusuf Ali
If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, God is well-acquainted with all that ye do.I guess/I hope this might help me.
THANK YOU ALL for your help and comments (it feels good ) )
and I will inform you what happens with me.Salam
warda -
Salam Elena,
thanks for the link! This is exactly what the Sheikh plans to do in my case
The right known as Khulo' is enshrined in a draft Personal Status Law, approved by the Cabinet on Monday.
The law, the paper opines, enables women to end unhappy marriages more easily after paying a compensation or the dowry to the husbands.
It would mean a big financial mess for me ... but better than staying a married woman with an unloved man.
Regards
warda -
My dear Warda,
I am so, so glad that you found what you were looking for. This is really great news. I am so, so happy for you. If you have to buy your freedom, so be it! At least there is a way. You deserve to be happy, you have suffered enough. Hold on to your faith and God is with you my sister. Al Hamdu lIllah. I wish you the best sun
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My dear Warda,
I am so, so glad that you found what you were looking for. This is really great news. I am so, so happy for you. If you have to buy your freedom, so be it! At least there is a way. You deserve to be happy, you have suffered enough. Hold on to your faith and God is with you my sister. Al Hamdu lIllah. I wish you the best sun
Thanks for your wishes Taj, I really appreciate it. I really hope that this ends soon, 'cause I'm tired of being alone... .
Salam Sis
warda
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Salam Warda,
In sha Allah things will be all fine ya Rab ) You know, we here have a belief about Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) that he used to welcome the time of extreme difficulty because it would be a sign that the difficulty is nearing the end. So in sha Allah this extreme difficult episode in your life is coming to an end. My advice to you now is that next time when you marry a muslim make sure that "Al3issmah" would be in your hand not his. Make it a condition in the marriage contract. "Al3issmah" means the right to divorce.
Take care and Allah Ma3ake pray
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Salam Warda, All
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
But I have to say that bringing up "Al3issmah" issue in the marriage contract would most probably turn off the husband-to-be and so would most probably make him run away. Most men cannot stand that the woman could have control over her destiny. To lose that power over to the woman would shake their core, I assume! So a lot of preparation for that "shock" for the husbnand-to-be is certainly needed )
"Al3issmah" issue is well known and practiced in Egypt where women are exceptionally strong there. No man could say "no" to an Egyptian woman!
However, I know of only ONE Arab woman from outside Egypt who conditioned this right in the marriage contract. A very strong confident woman indeed. She is also well-learned in Quran. And only because the man loved her so much that he had to agree on this condition. He asked for her hand many times but she would refuse because she was insisting on this condition. She only accepted him when he agreed on it. Everybody blamed him especially because he comes from a very rich, famous family and he could find many women who would die to get him. The couple are happily married for 25 years now with 7 children -
Hi Sis Taj,
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
what is "Al3issmah" ? I have no clue.
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Hi PM.
Hi Sis Taj,
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
what is "Al3issmah" ? I have no clue.
"Al3issmah" is the right to divorce. The Muslim husband owns that right naturally. He is the one who can end the marriage. The wife would not be divorced, free to marry another man, if her husband refuses to divorce her. However, if she conditioned in the marriage contract to own that right, then she won't be under his mercy. He won't hold her neck and won't let go of her in case she wants out. Owning that right, she would be able to divorce herself from him in front of Shohood witnesses and maybe even in mosque or court. It should not take much time nor effort to end her marriage.
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy! -
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy!Salam Taj,
did you read the link Elena posted? This is exactly about Khul'a. What I heard about it here didn't sound so difficult. Though I must say that I find it very bitter to give to that man who gave me such a hard time in several aspects a lot of money in order to let me go nope
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Salam Warda,
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy!Salam Taj,
did you read the link Elena posted? This is exactly about Khul'a. What I heard about it here didn't sound so difficult. Though I must say that I find it very bitter to give to that man who gave me such a hard time in several aspects a lot of money in order to let me go nope
I did read the link from Elena and I did know about that law earlier. I think I did not bring it up to you is because the "Khul3" concept is not mentioned in Quran. You wanted Ayat that support your position. "Al khul3" is a bargain that men in the muslim world invented to further suppress and abuse the women! It is not the same as "AlSul7=Alsulh" mentioned in the Ayat of Sura # 4. Because if you have to do something that is more than you can bear like paying so much money to get your freedom! Maybe you don't have that amount of money! I don't see that as the peaceful and considerate "Sul7" as mentioned in Quran. "Al Sul7" is a mutual agreement that considers the ability of both parties. "Al Khul3" is broad day light robbery/theft. But what can you do? You have no choice. Look what you have to go through to get your freedom!? This is not fair.
Besides, you have already paid for the mahar he gave you and that is by being his wife. So he not only had you as a wife, he now, by you paying him, would be having you for free for such a long time in the past! -
Hi Sis Taj,
Thanks for the explanation. Didnt realise such a thing exsisted.
And are these two laws u explained in compliance with 'Quran' ?Hi warda,
I did feel sorry and sad when I read that u would have to buy ur freedom. It doesnt feel fair. Especially since u r the one who has been, and will take care of ur children as well. Some men abuse women, endlessly, dont they? But cant u stick out and say 'I want a divorce. Why should I pay him to have a divorce?'There must be some sensible shaikh out there who does some good.
And why does ur husband want to remain married to u? Wont the 'marriage' curb his freedom as well? So, wont the divorce act in his favour too, to seek another partner?
I wish u good luck. I understand it must be a difficult ordeal.
Peace! -
Dear Peacefulmuslim (I told you already that I like your name, right?)
Nothing's decided yet. Maybe he will agree easily, maybe not. I have no clue what will come. Maybe I will have to accept the khul'a solution maybe not. Also I have no idea how the shaikh will decide, which side he'll favours and so on. I just don't know.
But I have to be prepared, this is why I opend this thread.
Take care
warda -
Hi Warda,
Dear Peacefulmuslim (I told you already that I like your name, right?)
Yes, u did! And I am all for peace.I bet u r too
Nothing's decided yet. Maybe he will agree easily, maybe not. I have no clue what will come. Maybe I will have to accept the khul'a solution maybe not. Also I have no idea how the shaikh will decide, which side he'll favours and so on. I just don't know.
I hope and pray u have ur way without having to buy ur freedom.
Looks like u rnt very sure of what ur husband wants. No discussions with him on it? Talk to him and find out.
Also talk to the shaikh and find out what ur chances are.
Shaikh is no authority, but if he is the only one who can divorce u, so be it. Study the set of the rules/regulations which the shaikhs are meant to use and search for helpful ones and also keep ur eyes open for loopholes.
Good luck! -
Salam Wards,
I have just spoken to an Egyptian lawyer who specializes in Divorce cases. I told him about you, that you are German (I guessed) who were married to an Egyptian in a mosque. He told me that this kind of marriage is called "3orfey" meaning not under a civil law. He said that the best thing you should do is go to the Egyptian Embassy in your country, Germany, and they sure will solve your problem, because they don't want problems with foreign countries. I don't think you will have to buy your freedom after all. You will get it for free and then some D
If you have any question, tell me and I will ask him.
Take care and best of luck. -
Peace Warda,
I'm glad that you are beginning to see a way to the path you seek. I'll pray for your strength, most definitely.
I am recently married and I too am unclear as to my rights in regards to divorce. I have not seen anyone answer Warda's question regarding men having more say over the finality of the relationship. I currently have this interpretation and I'm hoping someone can challenge it! If not, the God knows best....
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Salam Taj
Thanks Taj for asking and trying out to find what there's to do in my case. You're really very kind ) I am much more quiet now, waiting for the date being weapend with some ayas and other material good-hearted people sent to me grouphug I am very optimistic now, at least more than a week ago.
Salam Salika,
you recently married and you think already about divorce? I hope you will not be in my shoes soon ) Good Luck and thanks for your prayers
Regards
warda