Marriage & Divorce

I will keep this short and simple. In the West, marriage is seen as a huge deal. You invite everyone you know, have a big celebration, get the government involved in your relationship and are expected to be together "till death do you part." Dating is casually meeting up with and hooking up with women/men. Relationships are commitments but seen as much less than marriage and do not carry legal weight unless you live together - in some jusrisdictions at least. The way I see nikah is an umbrella incorporating all of these - with the exception of the casual hooking up of course. If you want to go on dates with a woman, kiss, etc. and do not know if she is the right one for a long-term relationship, you still need to enter into a nikah/marriage. There is a verse talking about divorce/separation before sex. Typically, if a couple has already been together they have sex right after marrying, and waiting a long time does not happen. However, if you use nikah to date and get to know your spouse, then it is not unusual to not have sex. Basically, if you are serious about someone and want to date, kiss, have sex and so on, enter into marriage, then see what happens. Only God knows how long you will be together with your wives/wife or husband anyhow. This whole notion that you can be dating without nikah is nonsense. The same with the notion of "they lived happily ever after" is unrealistic. Technically with just this info, one could argue that a man and woman can do a "temporary marriage" or "pleasure marriage" like Shi'ites do, however, God says that it has to be serious and not for taking lovers. Also, marriage is simply a verbal agreement and the man paying a dowry. That is it. Just dont keep your relationship/marriage a secret. No need for a huge celebration or any celebration at all. No need for any "till death do us part" kind of pressure. No need to get the government involved.

Salam Alaiqum wa rahmat Allah Wa barakatu Ive been doing some studying on the verses of marriage specifically 424. I would just like to share my thought ,maybe it will help someone else who's also researching these ayat. I believe Muhsinat are fortified women , just like a castle that you can not enter through its huge doors until you get permission ,where afterwards the roll down the huge fortified doors. To me this means women protected under marriage, women protected under family ,women protected under ownership(ma malakat aymankum) and women who fortify their own privates. I gather this from all the ayat where Muhsinat are mentioned , you need to have permission from the family or the people of that women, and in all the verses referring to the types of women it says to take them as Muhsineen not musafiheen and not taking them as lovers. Now in 424 Allah excludes these protected women except for the ones protected by ownership, then he says that we may seek other then these to seek with out wealth,muhsineen ghayra musafiheen BUT he does not say akhdan in this one. This leads me to believe that there is no such thing as a temporary marriage , just one type of ''marriage'' . Only long term as a fortification not just spilling and not being able to hold back i.e. no one night stands or concubines but a proper marriage. This marriage if done with a muhsina can only be done WITHOUT taking them as lovers ( i believe lover is what we today see as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) . In 424 its saying you may seek ANYONE else whos independent and not protected or fortified by family,marriage or self chastity with the exception of those foritfied by ownership i.e slaves. So with these independent women its okay for us to take them in marriage and Allah does not exclude boyfriend /girlfriend relationships(akhdan) with this group of independent women, and says there is no blame on what we agree to after you give them the dowry/ajoor/gift/reward. So with this understanding , it makes sense that they are under the same rules the marriage with the dependent muhsinat women, this would mean you must give your wife or girlfriend her ajoor/gift/dowry, you must wait 3 months if you end up breaking up and upon breaking up you must have 2 witnesses that know you broke up, that way her husband cant accuse her of anything if shes seen with a man the next day and to keep her safe as proof of her divorice/break up. IF your wife or girlfriend lives with you ,you are not allowed to kick her out nor should she leave during the 3 months waiting period,or if she has her own house you have her in, then she does not have to leave it nor can you kick her out of that house until the 3 months are over. This makes sense why Allah starts off 424 wal muhsinat illa ma malakat aymanakum... hes not continuing 423 that verse is over, hes just excluding a group from the proceeding statement which is to seek anyone beyond these with your wealth ,as a fortification not just spilling ,and with these women there is no blame on what you BOTH agree to after you give her the dowry. I just find it interesting Wa la mutakhidha akhdanan is not mentioned in this verse, the only other change in the verse is Muhsinat are excluded (Except muhsinat of ownership). Salams

Canadian women getting controversial surgery to mimic virginity BY TAMARA BALUJA, CANWEST NEWS SERVICE JULY 4, 2010 VANCOUVER ? Everything was at stake ? her future marriage, her place in her conservative community, her life. The 23-year-old Muslim woman from the Middle East desperately wanted to appear to be a virgin. She went to Dr. "Sam" with an unusual request. She wanted a hymenoplasty ? surgical restoration of the hymen, often done specifically for cosmetic reasons to mimic virginity. "It?s a surgery for fooling a person, a lie that the woman is still a virgin, even though she had had sex," said Dr. Faizal Sahukhan, a Burnaby, B.C.-based sex therapist. He has counselled several South Asian women against seeking the procedure. The procedure is so controversial that most doctors contacted refused to speak about it. Dr. "Sam," a doctor in British Columbia?s Lower Mainland, only spoke on the condition that his identity be protected for his safety. "There are some people who would not look at this surgery rationally," said Sam, who is concerned about retaliation from potentially duped husbands. "The fact is that most of my patients are Muslim . . . and I?m Jewish and a male." Sam said he performs the surgery on average twice a month for about $3,500 per procedure, usually on women of Middle Eastern background. One of his clients was preparing for an "arranged marriage" in Oman in the Middle East when she approached him, he said. "She told me that there is a community doctor who checks to see if the hymen is intact before the marriage," Sam said. In other Middle Eastern communities, in-laws will check the bride?s bedsheets for traces of blood the night after the marriage was consummated, he said. With such a premium laid on a woman?s virginity, Sahukhan said women are under tremendous pressure to remain "untouched" until their wedding night. Alia Hogben of the Canadian Council for Muslim Women called it "sexism, rooted in having a patriarchal society. It?s not surprising that these women feel compelled to do this surgery," she said. "Of course, there is no expectation that men also be virgins (before marriage), even though that is preferable." Only a small number of clinics in Vancouver offer hymenoplasties and none of them advertise it on their websites, but both Sahukhan and Sam say they have seen a noticeable rise in requests over the past few years. Sahukhan recounted the experience of a very upset Punjabi Sikh woman considering hymenoplasty. "She said, ?If my parents find out about (my past), all hell will break loose,?" Sahukhan said. Sahukhan said most of his female patients have had premarital sex outside their ethnic community, but consider the surgery when planning a traditional "arranged marriage." These women fear they will be shunned by their families, served divorce papers or worse subjected to physical abuse if their sexual history becomes known, he said. He called the correlation between a woman?s virginity and her family?s honour a "tremendously heavy burden" ? especially since a hymen can be broken in a number of ways outside of sex, including vigorous exercise, use of tampons or a fall. Anjelina Rai, a young South Asian host a Vancouver Bollywood radio station, said she was "completely flabbergasted" on learning about hymenoplasty. "It?s just impossible to think anyone in my generation would feel the need to have this surgery," she said, adding the South Asian community is "more open these days to western ideas like premarital sex." Manpreet Grewal of Abbotsford Community Services added that even if hymenoplasty was widespread in the South Asian community, the stigma runs so deep that women would not openly talk about it for fear of being ostracized. To avoid the gossip mills, some Punjabi parents take their sexually active daughters back to India to undergo hymenoplasty ahead of an impending marriage, the South Asian Post reported recently. Dr. Miqdad Ukaye of Royal Medical Tours in Bombay, India, said his agency gets 400 calls annually from medical tourists seeking hymenoplasty. "It?s a social taboo to talk about it, which is why the numbers are limited," he said, "But it is gaining popularity." Sam said he offers the surgery so that his female patients feel secure going into the marriage. "I feel like I?m doing good here," he said. "If it gives the woman some confidence, then what is the harm in it?" Although he does not promise bleeding to any of his clients ? about 30 per cent of women do not bleed during their first sexual intercourse ? Sam said he has had no complaints. The procedure usually takes an hour, with a recommended one-month break from sexual intercourse for recovery. As for Sahukhan?s clients, none of them actually went ahead with the hymenoplasty surgery after he counselled them against the procedure. "You really cannot hide your sexual past with a quick-fix, Band-Aid solution like hymenoplasty," Sahukhan said. He encourages his patients to tell the truth, and said none of them suffered any dire circumstances after following his advice. "Better to find out the man?s reaction before you get married and have kids," he said. Source

The Ethics of Chivalry Islam is not a religion of empty laws and strictures but one which points towards a higher ethical order. In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fianc?e was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness. The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife. From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur?an, ?Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.?(2945) The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, ?One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.? (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasise that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings. This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one?s spouse. These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter ?slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters? minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children. Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons? A related question would be, ?Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?? Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times ? even though such societies are rapidly disappearing. Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband?s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure ?real? Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community. Again, we can ask ourselves, ?To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?? Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation. Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a ?non-profit? organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salama had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community. Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to colour. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin colour. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a ?colourblind? community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ. God has stated that the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin. (4913) The Prophet reminded us that God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds. (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin colour and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance? Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur?an, ?The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God?s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.? (971) http//www.emel.com/article?id=71&a_id=1964

peace all, MARRIAGE And what of marriage, master? And he answered saying You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but not make a bond of love Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other?s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other?s keeping. For only the hands of life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other?s shadow. peace.

Here are a couple controversial questions which I have tried to turn around in my head and have not quite found a satisfactory answer. There is the prescription about not creating a "physical bond" or consumation depending on the translation. Does this refer to a temporary physical bond (i.e. intercourse), or is it a a permanent physical bond - i.e. sperm+egg which would create a baby... My arabic isn't even close to good enough to figure this out from the text. I bring up this question because modern science has created condoms and birth control, the first of which is designed to prevent exchange of bodily fluids, and the other to prevent impregnation. I suppose the prohibition on showing your private parts would preclude any such possibility... any ideas? Second question regarding the definition for adultery. Again, the translation is a problem, but does adultery, and hence it's punishment, apply to any sexual relations outside of marriage, or only to sexual relations in which one or either is married to someone else? Also, what is the deal in the case of rape? Are both parties considered to have committed adultery, or just the rapist seeing as there is lack of an intention on part of the victim?

33.37 And when you said to him to whom Allah had shown favor and to whom you had shown a favor Keep your wife to yourself and be careful of (your duty to) Allah; and you concealed in your soul what Allah would bring to light, and you feared men, and Allah had a greater right that you should fear Him. But when Zaid had accomplished his want of her, We gave her to you as a wife, so that there should be no difficulty for the believers in respect of the wives of their adopted sons, when they have accomplished their want of them; and Allah's command shall be performed this verse is quite disturbing to me , why does Allah almighty want prophet muhammed to get married to zaids divorced wife just because he wants tht there should be no doubt in believers mind in regard of getting married their adopted sons divorced wife , he could just tell clearly in quran tht u can gett married to ur adopted sons divorced wife .

the traditional roles of husband and wife, as we all know, has been that the husband oversees the wellfare of the family and makes final decisions on things while the wife supports him. this role is beneficial, given that both parties are ok with their roles. my question is- how islamic is this relationship? one issue is that of shirk. this may be extreme, but could placing your spouse as an authoritiy figure constitute shirk? muslim tradition has placed women in a subordinate role in family decision making- to the point of suggesting almost complete obedience to her husband. can this constitute shirk? another issue is that of equity. what kind of relationship does the quran advise between a husband and wife? the husband playing a superior role seems like an inequity. does the holy quran promote this kind of relationship? if not, are women doing an injustice to themselves and perhaps not following islam by allowing unequal roles to exist? there is a verse that is oftentimes translated as men being in charge of women. www.liberalislam.net has an article about gender roles that has a different interpretation of the verse. the author states that the verse is referring to men financially taking care of women, not being in charge of them- the same way they would financially take care of their kids. it has nothing to do with men being in charge of women in any other way. so what is God's will for us as husbands and wives? is it islamic to have a traditional role? is it islamic to not have one? i would like arguments that are backed by the quran, cuz we can all come up with lots of arguments for both sides.

http//us.rediff.com/news/2004/sep/23spec.htm?headline=Private~horror~behind~Gudiya's~public~trial The Rediff Special/Ehtasham Khan in Meerut September 23, 2004 In the eighth month of pregnancy, Gudiya has literally become a specimen for the public to ogle at. She is now living with her first husband ? a soldier who disappeared five years ago after the Kargil conflict and returned home last month. Lying on a cot in the courtyard of the house of Sapper Mohammad Arif, Gudiya is surrounded by some 50 women from the neighbourhood. An equal number of men are gathered in the doorway to the house. Arif is busy attending to phone calls from journalists, friends and relatives. Women discuss Gudiya's future as she watches helplessly. People come, look at her, and leave. Journalists and cameramen flashing their gadgets are part of the audience. Gudiya has been under the 'protection' of these village folk ever since she was brought here last Saturday. When I visited her on Wednesday at her in-laws' place in Mundali village in Meerut district of Uttar Pradesh ? about 75km from Delhi ? she looked fragile, tired, almost broken. She could not speak properly though the fever that had gripped her for about a fortnight had subsided. Just a day before, Zee News, a satellite television channel, had organised a 'mock panchayat ' to discuss the dispute. Gudiya was bold enough in the television studio to say, "I want to go with Arif." The statement decided her fate. Islamic scholars present in the audience applauded her decision, proclaiming it to be in accord with the Shariat (Islamic jurisprudence). The second marriage, they claimed, was illegal. Her second husband, Taufeeq, was taken aback and could not say anything. Arif went on to announce that he would take care of Taufeeq's unborn child. The controversy arose when Arif, who was held by the Pakistan Army as a prisoner of war, returned to India on August 9. He had disappeared from the Drass sector in Jammu and Kashmir while sweeping mines along the Line of Control on September 16, 1999. Gudiya married distant relative Taufeeq on April 20, 2003. They have known each other since childhood. Their marriage was arranged by their parents because there was no news about Arif, who had by then been declared a deserter by the army. Arif's family had also supported Gudiya's remarriage. After all, she and Arif had been married for barely 10 days before he was recalled to the front. But her peace was shattered when it was discovered that Arif was no deserter, but had been taken prisoner by the Pakistanis. Last month, the Pakistanis finally released Arif and he returned home to a warm welcome. Gudiya was then living with her parents in Kalunda village on the outskirts of Delhi. On Tuesday, Arif, Taufeeq, Gudiya, and their relatives were brought to the television studio. Islamic scholars and clerics, including Maulana Wahiduddin, were part of the discussion. The debate ended with Gudiya going back to Arif. It was for the first time in the history of Indian television that a personal issue had been debated and decided on television. But newspapers criticised the event. A headline in The Indian Express screamed Gudiya's personal trauma, nightmare paraded in public on TV horror show. An investigation by rediff.com revealed how Gudiya was forced to make her choice. When Arif crossed the border and reached Wagah, it was reported widely in the print and electronic media. It was also reported that Arif's wife Gudiya had married Taufeeq. So, what would Arif do now? The legality of her second marriage was also questioned. According to the Shariat, a Muslim woman cannot marry another man as long as her husband is alive and has not divorced her. In the case of the husband disappearing, the woman needs to wait for four years and then ask for a decree from the local qazi (religious head and expert on Shariat) nullifying her marriage. Gudiya had not nullified her previous marriage before marrying Taufeeq. So the experts said her second marriage was illegal and the child born to her and Taufeeq would be termed illegitimate. As the debate heated up in the media, Gudiya became nervous. She had to be admitted to hospital for a few days owing to high fever. At that point she told reporters that she had left the past behind and only loved Taufeeq now. "I am not a cow or a buffalo that I can be sent away just like that," she had remarked. Currently living in Mundali village with Arif, she has not yet recovered from the trauma. Left in a corner of the courtyard, she lay on the cot with her eyes closed, unwilling to speak to anyone. She looked like a stranger in her own house. When I addressed her as "apa" (elder sister), she reciprocated with a smile. Offering a seat next to her, she explained her sordid tale, her voice choking, fumbling over every sentence. Gudiya said, "When it was reported in the newspapers, the maulana spoke to me. I was then living with my parents in Kalunda ." Her second husband Taufeeq had left her there for the delivery. "My father didn't tell me anything initially. But then everybody started telling me to go to Arif. My father also joined them. It was according to the Hadith . I had to go to Arif." Asked if it was her decision to go back to Arif, she said, "It was everybody's decision", then burst into tears. Her voice choked and she hid her face in her dupatta. The women around looked on with surprise. Gudiya sensed it and controlled herself. A woman from the crowd shouted, "Don't show your tears. Smile. Make your face look good." She followed the instructions. But she revealed in private that her father took her to her aunt's village, Naurangabad, in Meerut district last Friday. This, despite Gudiya being in an advanced stage of pregnancy. Here, a panchayat was called, which was attended by people from the villages of Mundali and Naurangabad. Arif, his elder brother, and relatives were also present. Clerics from nearby mosques and seminaries joined in. In all, nearly 1,500 people had gathered. But neither her second husband Taufeeq nor his parents were informed about the meeting. She last spoke to Taufeeq five days ago. The panchayat in Naurangabad gave the verdict that Gudiya should go back to Arif as her second marriage was null and void. Asked if she was pressured by the panchayat to accept Arif, she maintained silence. After a lot of hesitation, she said, "It was everybody's wish. The Hadith enjoins it." Earlier, Arif told rediff.com "The panchayat decided that she should go with me. It was according to the Shariat. The panchayat also asked me to talk to her alone. I asked her what she wanted. She frankly told me that she wanted to come with me. She said her father had forcibly married her to Taufeeq." Asked about this, Gudiya remained silent. She had only one thing to say, which she repeated, "It was everybody's wish." After the decision was announced in the panchayat, Arif took Gudiya home to Mundali. All this happened without Taufeeq being even informed. Riyasat Ali, who witnessed the panchayat in Naurangabad, said, "She was pressured by the people there. She was not allowed to speak. The clerics told her that she had to follow the Shariat and go to Arif. They said her son would become illegitimate if she did not. "She was left with no option. Can a woman express herself in front of so many men?" Ali is Gudiya's uncle and a relative of Taufeeq. He had proposed her marriage to Taufeeq. Three days after this incident, Arif was invited to a felicitation ceremony in New Delhi on Monday. Here, a Zee News reporter asked him to come to the studio for an interview, to which he agreed. Another reporter from the same channel brought his brother and Gudiya from Meerut to the studio for the interview. Taufeeq told rediff.com, "The MLA of my area told me that he was taking me to his house in NOIDA. But he took me to the television studio. I didn't know anything about it. I saw that the religious scholars were also there. The discussion started all of a sudden. I didn't know how to react. I was quite upset. "When Gudiya said she wanted to go with Arif, I was out of my mind. I stopped thinking. I don't know what happened after that. I became senseless. "But I am sure she was pressured. I didn't get time to speak. She also could not express herself. There was a women's group. They wanted to speak to her alone. But the TV guys didn't allow it. Finally the decision was taken and we all returned home. When the clerics gave their verdict, what could I do? The TV people cheated me. This is not the way to settle disputes." Taufeeq said Gudiya had spoken to her on telephone five days before this incident. She had explained to him the pressure she was being under. Her father had even threatened to commit suicide if she did not go back to Arif. The family forced her to go back to her first husband because the second marriage had been anti-Islam, he said. Moreover, when she had already been sent to live with Arif on Saturday, it was not possible for her to come back to him. While Gudiya is still in shock, for the men in Mundali it is celebration time. Arif has returned home with two trophies the one he got as a war hero; the other, Gudiya... "We celebrated like anything," said next-door neighbour Farasat Ali, pointing to the decorations in the doorway. "There was a huge procession of more than 2,000 people when Gudiya came here on Saturday. We danced and distributed sweets." Arif's elder brother summed up the mood in the village. "It was a matter of the pride of our village," he said. "Had there been no amicable solution, there would have been a bloodbath here."

Peace, I don't think there are any ayats that say that, we are not to marry atheists/agnostics...only ayats that talk about not marrying idolators. Any thoughts/comments would be appreciated. Sara

Salam, From the two verses below, I think men can have more then one wife and women can only have one husband. Prohibited for you are ? , the mothers of your wives, the daughters of your wives ? Also prohibited are the women who are already married, ? Any comment? Regards

Salam All Would like some help with the translation of a few verses, I recently read something regarding the 4 marriage thingy and the progressive translation which made far more sense to me...but have a few questions which are not being answered to my satisfaction trying to get the arabic words isolated...I'd like to confirm this... Okay, the verses first 004.003 Wa-in khiftum alla tuqsitoo feealyatama fainkihoo ma tabalakum mina alnnisa-i mathna wathulathawarubaAAa fa-in khiftum alla taAAdiloo fawahidatanaw ma malakat aymanukum thalika adnaalla taAAooloo YUSUFALI If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. PICKTHAL And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice. SHAKIR And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course. KHALIFA If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers - you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship. PROGRESSIVE And if you fear that you cannot be just to the orphans, then marry off those whom you see fit of the women by twos and threes and fours. But if you fear you will not be fair, then only one, or those who are your dependants. This is best that you do not face poverty. Here the progressive one seems to make the best sense as the others just go into the realm of disjointed contextual nightmares...but the questions Why are the mothers mentioned in only khalifa's translation? I also will need the arabic words meaning in clear concise terms for this verse, so i can get how the progressive translation came about...as they are all hugely different, one says justice the other, right course, then poverty, what is going on? I have tried to look up the roots but will definitely need someone's help here to confirm!! Second Verse 423 Hurrimat AAalaykum ommahatukumwabanatukum waakhawatukum waAAammatukum wakhalatukumwabanatu al-akhi wabanatu al-okhti waommahatukumuallatee ardaAAnakum waakhawatukum mina alrradaAAatiwaommahatu nisa-ikum waraba-ibukumu allateefee hujoorikum min nisa-ikumu allateedakhaltum bihinna fa-in lam takoonoo dakhaltum bihinna falajunaha AAalaykum wahala-ilu abna-ikumuallatheena min aslabikum waan tajmaAAoobayna al-okhtayni illa ma qad salafa inna Allahakana ghafooran raheeman YUSUFALI Prohibited to you (For marriage) are- Your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, Mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (Who gave you suck), foster-sisters; your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom ye have gone in,- no prohibition if ye have not gone in;- (Those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful;- PICKTHAL Forbidden unto you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father's sisters, and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers, and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom ye have gone in - but if ye have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) - and the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins. And (it is forbidden unto you) that ye should have two sisters together, except what hath already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. SHAKIR Forbidden to you are your mothers and your daughters and your sisters and your paternal aunts and your maternal aunts and brothers' daughters and sisters' daughters and your mothers that have suckled you and your foster-sisters and mothers of your wives and your step-daughters who are in your guardianship, (born) of your wives to whom you have gone in, but if you have not gone in to them, there is no blame on you (in marrying them), and the wives of your sons who are of your own loins and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already passed; surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. KHALIFA Prohibited for you (in marriage) are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, the sisters of your fathers, the sisters of your mothers, the daughters of your brother, the daughters of your sister, your nursing mothers, the girls who nursed from the same woman as you, the mothers of your wives, the daughters of your wives with whom you have consummated the marriage - if the marriage has not been consummated, you may marry the daughter. Also prohibited for you are the women who were married to your genetic sons. Also, you shall not be married to two sisters at the same time - but do not break up existing marriages. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful. PROGRESSIVE Forbidden for you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your fathers' sisters, and your mothers' sisters, and the daughters of your brother, and the daughters of your sister, and your foster mothers who suckled you, and your sisters from suckling, and the mothers of your wives, and your step-daughters residing in your homes from your wives which you have already consummated the marriage with; if you have not consummated the marriage then there is no sin upon you; and the wives of your sons that are from your seed, and that you would make succession between two sisters except what has already been done. God is Forgiving, Merciful. Questions Progressive lists this as succession, i tried looking it up but didn't come to any satisfactory answer, would like some help with this, everywhere else it's together, and in prog it is succession which puts a different spin on it...if it's 'not together' we can say that it was in the past, thus it can't be done now...and if it's not in succession, then does it mean that, one, it is not allowed to marry two sisters in succession now even, or that which was in the past? I would also like the arabic from which this succession or together comes about... Additionally, i looked through the verses dealing with multiple marriages and just marriages in general, and the only two i see giving off different vibes/shades of mistranslation are these two...would appreciate any help and any additional info on multiple marriages... Thanks so much in advance!! Peace Nadia.

just wondering, would you marry a sunni person? if you willingly or unwillingly fall in love with a sunni person, what would you do? would you expect them to convert to your religion? or would you convert back to sunnism? or would you conform to the philosophy "live and let live"? in that case, what would you like your kids to be? or you would sacrifice your love?

Quran 651 O you prophet, if any of you have divorced the women, then they should be divorced while ensuring that their required interim is fulfilled, and keep count of the interim. You shall reverence God your Lord, and do not evict the women from their homes, nor should they leave, unless they have committed a proven adultery. And these are God's limits. And anyone who transgresses God's limits has wronged his soul. You never know; perhaps God will make something come out of this. (651) O you the prophet, if you divorced the women, so divorce them according to their term, and calculate the term (menstrual cycle) and fear and obey The God, your Lord. Do not bring them out from their houses, and they do not get out except that they commit an atrocious deed, and those are The God's limits, and who violates The God's limits, he had caused injustice to his soul, you do not know, maybe The God causes after that a new situation. 065.001 YUSUFALI O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed periods And fear Allah your Lord and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation. PICKTHAL O Prophet! When ye (men) put away women, put them away for their (legal) period and reckon the period, and keep your duty to Allah, your Lord. Expel them not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open immorality. Such are the limits (imposed by) Allah; and whoso transgresseth Allah's limits, he verily wrongeth his soul. Thou knowest not it may be that Allah will afterward bring some new thing to pass. SHAKIR O Prophet! when you divorce women, divorce them for~ their prescribed time, and calculate the number of the days prescribed, and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, your Lord. Do not drive them out of their houses, nor should they themselves go forth, unless they commit an open indecency; and these are the limits of Allah, and whoever goes beyond the limits of Allah, he indeed does injustice to his own soul. You do not know that Allah may after that bring about reunion. The verse 651 in Quran is stating that woman should not leave their houses when they are being divorced. Is this the meaning of this statement in the verse? Or does it mean that women are not to be put out of their home unless they have committed "indency"? Or does it mean if they leave their homes during divorce they have committed indency? Can anyone help?

Salam Brothers and Sisters, What is your opinion about this article http//www.animal-cruelty.com/muta_yes.htm . Geoffrey

Peace. A question, please. Extracted from Free-minds article on Poligamy " It is worth noting that the marriages of prophet Muhammed (known through the Quran) were commanded by God(3337, 3350) and that these commands were uniquely addressed to him 3350"These marriages had social, political and educational purposes, and there was an additional condition with them he was not allowed to divorce his wives" Does The Quran say more about this? The reasons of the permission/duty specifically for the prophet?

Peace, Can anybody point out verses that actually speak about marriage? I mean, as far as I know, the Qu'ran tells us that marriage is a contract, has to be witnessed and recorded, however, what is supposed to be in that contract? \ Peace

Peace all, Here's a "controversial" topic Can a Muslim woman marry a Christian or Jewish man? Many Muslims I've spoken to said No, true?

Asalam Alaikum !!! I have a question for which i am affraid to recieve the answer but I feel like I have to ask the advice of free thinking people. I was brought up without any religion forced on me in some Orthodox Chirstian setting. I always believed in god in my heart though I havent practiced much except rare prayers at some moments of my life. Because of that I did a lot of things that were bad for my soul including premarital relations, drugs... Which inevitably lead my to a bad situations, which I now see as a blessing and a lesson sent by Allah to put me on a straight path. During the holy month of ramadan I fasted, at first for health, but then ended up reading Quaran and converting to Islam. And now I am trying to follow it and be righteous and cleanse my sould of all the bad things I did, and becoming incresingly religious. There is one thing that is making my chest heavy for I do not know what to do. I have a girlfriend for about 2 years who I love dearly and she loves me. I feel as Allah brought us together and with his help we brought eachother out of darkness into a much better place and a state of being. Since I was with her from before I converted we were already intimate for a long time, which posed a problem when I converted, because I do not know if I am going astray and do not know how to look at the problem. She was brought up as a catholic which being a corrupt religion corrupted her mind and made her turn away from organized religions. She also had a lot of bad things happen to her as a child wich made the situation worse. She does not disbelieve, but at the same time she doesn't know what is out there though she believes in some universal power which I understand she doesnt want to reffer to as god (catholic influence and bad associations I suppose). It is hard to speak for another person but I hope you get a picture. I believe there is a chance that god will open her heart and guide her... I pray to him so he would do it, but he does what he wills so I do not know. She said she will read Quran for me. She has been away from me for 4 month on a school trip to india. She is coming back soon and I do not quite know what to do. Before I felt as if we were married since, I converted after we were together and old concepts of marriage are quite different in modern world. We kept being intimate. We made eachother faithful to eachother which we werent before we met. Marrying officially is not entirely possible. Because she thinks it is too early for her and I agree also her Catholic father probably wouldnt be ok with that at the moment. However I think that perhaps it would be possible to find a muslim who would marry us without having big ceremony or having her parents present to be lawful in the eyes of God and not the social law. And then few years later when we are ready we could renew our vouls making our marriage official in the eyes of the law and inviting her family and stuff like that. I have about 2 weeks before she comes back, we long for eachother and I do not know what to do. I pray to got to open her chest and help her see God and bless our union and make it happen, I pray him to lead me to straight path. She is closer to believing than she was before. But it is up to him in the end, since he guides whom he wills and leads astray whom he wills. I pray that she would agree to that and be patient with me until that moment. Please advise what I should do? Can we marry as if she was Catholic ? Can we marry ? If we cannot marry what would be your advise ? Can I consider ourselves married since we were in relations before I converted ? I pray to god that I could stay with this girl because I love her with my heart and want to spend the rest of my days with her being faithful and worshiping one god. I believe all my sins were forgiven when I converted, and I want to minimize committing new ones... Please approach this with a free mind taking into account that God is Most-Merciful and Most-Wise. And give me a good advice to releve the weight on my chest. There is so much more I could say. Ask more questions if you think it could help. I hope you can understand and perhaps even relate to situation. Insha Alla I will find an anwer. Thank you all in advance... May peace be with you !!!

Before finding this site, I was hooked on Submission.org and though I did not believe their claims as to Rahsad Khalifa being a messenger and that two verses of Quran are actually not real Quran verses, I did believe most of the other info they had on that site. One such thing was that if you marrying a person who believes in hadith and follows it and gives Prophet Muhammed the same respect, love, admiration and status as of God, then you are marrying an "idol" worshipper b/c that person is setting the prophet as God. Is this true?