Marriage & Divorce

Peace "phoenix", peace JKcome on, now. A piece of paper, no matter how important, is a piece of paper. If people forget to sign it, or make a mistake of not signing it, the best solution is to just make them sign it. JK- Forgetting is a differen case again but then one would need to know whther it was intended and this is another difficult process. I believe a lie detector could be used on bot parties for this purpose in the future. Who has sex in front of four people!? No one will ever KNOW if two people (or more) get together, do their thing, and go back home. signing a contract is not hard. Most people will do it rather than risk getting in trouble with the law, or the government interfering in their personal matters. JK- Four witnesses doesnt mean that four people have to witness it at once. Can be one at one time 2nd another and so on. Moreover if a camera movie has been made by one and tht movie checked, verified and shown to the public i say now all those whove watched automatcially become eye witnesses too. To me, this 100 lashes thing makes absolutely no sense. In God's law, every individual is punished by God. Not by the people unless the people are the victims. If a person has irresponsible sex, he or she will face the consquences. JK- As i said the lashed could yet be interpreted as being symbolical and not severe but this is what the majority of the people in a country following Quranic Laws have to decide as they decide on other meanings/interpretations of words. In GOD's law if human rights have been violated, of which irresponsibility is a great part(know that that driving a car too fast or crossing the red light are both irresponsible acts and are punishable by law), there is legal punishment to be carried out by the society. GOD Bless!

No fair posting womanly secrets on the forum! These are closely guarded and passed down from generation to generation, stop being the monkeywrench in the works! Now i understand how women rule in my house, work & the world....Whilst the men live in a illusion...I think ou have let the cat out of the bag ;D

Salam, I chosed the provide my loved one the reasons of my beliefs and offer him to choose because that is the best way I guess. To be open about your beliefs so it will not be a surprise for him/her. I think it doesn't matter if he doesn't believe as I do as long as he believes in One God and Quran of course. I'm not ready to marry an christian or jew. After my divorce I was so sure to not marry an traditional muslim again, but 11 months later I have change my mind, but I will choose him more wisely because I believe the personal carector is more important than only the religious beliefs. Peace sis Majidah

Soul2squeeze, I have posted several new topics under general I thought you might like. Just thought I would let you know in case you wanted to check them out. Sincerely, Abuja

peace I have no problem with someone "being" gay......to be gay doesnt mean you have to engage in sexual acts the same way being heterosexual doesnt mean im engaging in sexual acts The sin comes in either if i say im gay or straight the sin comes in with an action I can imagine about having sex with many guys but am i judgeed for that? or am i judged if i did it or not? I can also imagine about having sex with many women, but am i judged if i did it or not ? Believe in Islam... call yourself muslim... if thats what you beleive in but always seek help from God to not make your thoughts into actions sex without marriage is always a sin if im gay or straight God is Most Loving and Most Merciful But He is Just Think what you want but dont act beyond the limits of Gods law (God wiling) Mistakes can be forgiven easily by God we must repent to the Lord and promise to not do it again and if one feels they can not control themselves from doing sins then sincerely ask God to help you live they HE wants you to FOR HE FLOATS THE EARTH ON WHAT APPEARS TO BE NOTHING JUST SPACE TO HELP SOMEONE CHANGE THeir BEHAVIORS IS QUITE EASY FOR HIM JUST BE SINCERE EVEN IF YOU THINK OR FEEL GAY ATTRACTIONS AND YOUR MUSLIM ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO NOT ACT ON IT AND ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS AND UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS DEVIATED FROM THE NORM (ATTRACTION, SEX,REPRODUCION WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX) GOD WILLING AMANDA

My take on marriage is that it is meant for two people(man and women) who love each other. You need to know the person before you get married as Zenja said it whats inside is what counts. If you marry someone that believes totally different from you then your life will more than likely be a living hell. Second you should never marry someone because you lust after there body that is wrong and not what maggiage was even intended for. Sincerely, Abuja/Larry

aslm! handshake ok im back, u were wrong,the thing is,with quran u have to read all together to get the message,and this is the case with this verse,which i went to check it after replying before,and i found the verse before it was answering the question,and all for being lazy and looking myself.i seek refuge in allah from lazyness! 2234 And for those of you who pass away and leave widows behind, then their widows will have a required interim period of four months and ten days. So when they reach their required interim, then there is no sin upon you for what they do to themselves equitably. And God is Expert to what you do. 2235 And there is no sin upon you if you openly propose marriage to these women, or you keep it between yourselves. God knows that you will be thinking of them, but do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to say. And do not consummate the marriage until the required interim is reached in the Scripture. And know that God knows what is in your souls, so be aware of Him, and know that God is Forgiving, Compassionate. so the term is that period of 4 months 10 day the quran talks about...... thanks anyway imram aslmualaykm handshake

Peace be upon you Lisa, I feel awful that I haven't been able to chat with you lately (. But I do hope you and your husband have better understanding for each other now. I think sister Taj came with very wise word of how you will deal with arab men, but you sister with 18 years with this man must have alot of experience of Arabs, don't you? Peace sis Maria

I am a convert to Islam and have been struggling with the issue of marriage and dont have anyone to talk to about this problem. I sincerely wanted to marry a believing man and so over a year ago began looking online for someone I felt I would love and be compatible with. I feel that I want and need to be married sometime soon, so that is not the issue. During my search I met some...interesting...Muslim men who turned out to really just want some brainless mother-figure to marry and take care of them. And then I was contacted by a man who saw my profile and we began to talk. He turned out to be the most wonderful man I have ever known, someone that I have grown to adore and want to have a family and life with, BUT he is not a Muslim. Not only is he not a Muslim, but he doesnt really believe in God or anything else of a spiritual/religious nature. I overlooked this because I was so amazed that I had found someone that I felt so connected to, trusted, and had so much in common with. Now however, he has started talking about wanting to get married, and I am confused about the future of my faith. I am afraid that I will yearn for a spiritual/religious connection that will no be there, but I am also afraid that NOT marrying him will be the biggest mistake of my life. I dont know what to do and I am freaking out because our anniversary is coming up and I am afraid he is going to ask me... Advice would be great. As salamu alaykum. Respectfully. I would suggest you look in the Qur'an. Also, Imran was right. Believer is much better then non-believer, not because he doesn't believe, but because you'll constantly be worrying about where he will end up and the fact that you know he'll end up in Hell, will destroy your health and brain, not his. Unless he changes. Just follow the Qur'an. As salamu alakyum.

Dowry/Mahr is a gift from the husband to his bride, nothing more. What that gift is to be, is agreed upon by the couple alone.

peace enquirer, This is exactly how i feel as well...I want my children to be happy,loving and rational... ;D I know its not easy sometimes in traditional societies (like some parts of pakistan.), Unfortunately it?s MOST PARTS of Pakistan. Fortunately things are changing specially in the urban areas and the credit goes to the electronic media. I respect your 'struggle' against harmful tradition,and i admire your open-mindedness and respectful attitude towards your childrens happiness...Our children are just like 'mini' adults,and they will be grown up before we know it... People like you can slowly turn society in Pakistan, towards a more healthy beneficial nature... My wife and me were the victims of these harmful traditions/beliefs, and for the first few years we had to go through hell because of all this nonsense. So I have my own reasons to revolt against such man made traditions/customs and beliefs that shatter the dreams of the young hearts, and gives them tears and pain, instead of happiness and joy. Peace.

That's a good question...it may nullify the marriage. Consider the runaway believers who left their disbelieving husbands. However, since we are talking about two married believers, the issue is more complex. If a spouse purposely runs away then we can assume that this is a valid separation and can therefore lead to divorce. If the spouse just went missing then depending on the amount of time that has lapsed, we can assume that the person may have died, etc in which case the marriage has ended.

Peace yyz, I had a cousin in a similar medical condition and marriage situation..his wife left him then filed for divorce.She got custody of course..which isnt always the best for the children..But I hope things work out for the best.. Here are the Quranic surahs that speak of divorce.Hope you find what you are looking for 227,229,230,231,232,236,237;334,37,49;582,3;651;66;5 May Allah be with you!

Hi everyone. I'm glad to see there seems to be a movement towards liberal islam. I knew of intellectual authors from France who were leaning in that direction. I live near Ottawa Canada. Anyone from around there? I'd love to talk with other people who feel the need for liberalism. That said, I'd like to know, based on what I read on this website, why it is that a couple is given an interim period regarding divorce? If there is abuse, or severe negligence, for example, wouldn't it be the right for the female to distance herself from an otherwise toxic relationship? Living in the same household would only serve to aggravate the situation, especially if the husband is unwilling to listen nor to empathize with what the wife is going through. As a psychotherapist, I can only imagine it would do a world of good to allow for separation in order to put things in perspective for both parties, and to allow them to make an impartial decision outside of an obviously heated environment. Best regards, Shadowspeak* I think there is a separate question of whether the abuse or sever negligence constitutes some kind of crime, in which case the normal procedure would have to amended to take into account the situation. The normal instructions are there for normal cases... you fall out of love or you've had a fight... in those cases it's normal to have a cooling down period to really see how you feel. Then there are abnormal cases, which call for responses drawn from the rest of the book, as far as crimes and punishment. I don't believe there is one set formula which must always be followed. Even the waiting period is there for a reason - pregnancy, so that could even be skipped with the proper pregnancy test. That's just my opinion. Oh, and yeah I'm in Ottawa too, but not yet sure about meeting random person off the internet....

JK- Lets say GOD forbid a person kills my mother and gets away with it without being legally punished in his life. Later on in his life he sincerely repents to GOD for what he has done. Now what good would that do to me? Did you think of that? How will that benefit me? Do you think GOD deosnt care for me anymore once that other murderer has repented? No the Quran does state that the offence from GOD's side maybe forgiven but that does not mean that i dont have the right to take revenge. GOD clearly says in the Quran that "equivalence has been prescribed for us" And we decreed for them in it that the life for the life, the eye for the eye, the nose for the nose, the ear for the ear, the tooth for the tooth, and an equivalent injury for any injury. If one forfeits what is due to him as a charity, it will atone for his sins. Those who do not rule in accordance with GOD's revelations are the unjust. So i cannot believe that GOD will be injust towards a victim just because the offender asked forgiveness from GOD and never bothered to ask forgiveness from the victim. The case is different if the intention of the offender was to ask the viictim for forgiveness but that either he himself or the victim died before he could. GOD Bless! Peace, Khizar 545 does not relate to forgiveness for the sins of someone who commits wrong. The God is the one who forgives regardless. Your verse relates to the punishment for a crime and not the forgiveness or repentance for sins committed which 4125 deals with and which I quoted previously. You were initially saying you would have a right against that person in the afterlife and this remains wrong. In 545 you see that your right for revenge is limited to this world. If the offender is caught then you can shoose to have the person punished or forgo the punishment in which case the God rewards you! If the offender is not caught, and that is under the God's control also then you have nothing. The God will take account of that crime regardless and you don't have to worry about it. Now returning to the topic of this post rather than twisting it to your own ends; in the case of a sin like adultery, the wife in this case may have a grievance but has no right over the man and no right for 'revenge' either. If the man repents sincerely then it is the God who forgives and he does not require forgiveness from the wife who may bear a grudge until the day she dies. That's to her detriment and says more about her inability to deal with it and move on than anything else. The woman does not have a right to send the person to hell because of a grudge, especially if the man has sincerely repented and reformed.

peace Majidah, iddah doesn't have to exist because the wife is pregnant or something. It could also give the couple some time to rethink their decision. before its too late. It probably has other reasons as well.

hmmm ok then ) jazak Allahu kheirun for that... Being a girl in some cultures can be hmm lets say frustrating anyway I won't go into it. Thank you Salams

Peace warda and all. Truely With every difficulty there is relief.(945-6) The help of god is is with those who consistently follow his guidance. Next time any of us in a difficulty,we can try to remember this.

Salaam all, Well I got married when I was 17 years old and today i think that was too early, I was only a kid with no education and no job. The maturity for girls are often earlier than for boys but a nine year old girl is a kid and haven't finished school yet. And how can you feel sexual attraction to a kid!? Then you might be a pedophile. But I do agree with Wakas that you must have reach an level for understand religious needs. Peace Majidah

. Dear brother, From Quranic point of view Both of you fear Allah and believe in HIM alone For Allah shall be the sole witness for the marriage between you Your parents shall have no decision in this but to accept A witness from both the sides may or may not be essential except for the sake of social identity You have every obligation to do good to your parents; your 'wife to be' shall accept this You have to get married if you fear you canot maintain the limits of being together Nothing wrong in keeping this marriage a secret, for you want to do good to your parents Live together until things get well Above all this, once you have decided to get married ENTRUST YOUR WHOLE AFFAIR WITH ALLAH. For He loves those who entrust their affairs with HIM. HE is all knowing; Merciful To conclude whatever you have written in your post is perfect and well in accordance with Quran. You are already well guided by Allah. Masha allah May Allah Bless You, the couple .